Please Help - I Need A Friend Options

[maccasmum]

Hi to anyone who's reading this... I found this site while I was at work today, and it's been so comforting to me to see that there are so many people out there with so much kindness and support for others who are grieving.

I'm about to lose my beloved Macca, my beautitful tabby cat. He's 10 years old, and was diagnosed with an intestinal tumour at the end of November. He's never been a well cat (he had cat flu when he was a baby, has had teeth trouble, skin problems, eye problems and, most recently, kidney disease), but he's fought back against everything, and I've always pushed for the best treatment and care for him. And somehow the fact that he was so prone to getting these crazy illnesses (he's had Athlete's Paw!) just made me love him even more, and vow to stand by him. Finding out he had kidney disease (I found that out last May) was a shock, but he was doing well, and I thought it was under control. And then this tumour comes along... Well, there's nothing I can do for him now. He's on steroids which are helping in terms of his appetite, but he's very sick - and it seems like he's getting sicker before my eyes. The vet told me to prepare myself for having to make the decision to euthanise. I'm in bits over it - when is the right time? At the moment Macca's eating well, he can walk about just fine, and his eyes - his lovely green eyes - are big and clear and as beguiling as ever. But he's not himself. How do we judge quality of life? He's skinny, he likes hiding rather than company, and he has terrible problems with his bowels. How do I know when is the right time? How can I even do it? It's like I'm grieving already, and he's still around. I love him so much - it hurts more now than it did when he was first diagnosed. It's like having razors blades in my chest, and a heavy weight on my ribcage. I do have another cat, Trixie, and thankfully she is strong and healthy and I'm grateful for that. But I'm in so much pain knowing that Macca's time is coming.

I'd be so grateful if anyone could offer any advice, or just words of comfort.

[Furkidlets' Mom]

This is the time when you start living as if every second were your last one here, too, as that's how it can feel. So it's also the time to make the very most of what time you have left together in the physical, helping to create and experience the kinds of memories that will help you feel a bit more grati*tude for and peace about these days later on. Here are my suggestions for how to do that:

Tell Macca everything you can possibly think of that you want him to know. Speak to him of your love & his life with you, perhaps share some of your best memories of your life together with him, and anything else you think of. Spend as much time with him as possible, do whatever special things you can still do for him, and even if he doesn't want to eat much now (this is a natural part of the bodily preparation of dying) you might find something else he'd still find pleasurable, such as sniffing some catnip, or snuggling up to a favorite toy or pillow or what-have-you. You could also offer him homemade (unseasoned) chicken broth, to keep him a bit more hydrated and comfortable; or even water from a syringe (slowly in small drops). Also, providing an optional & gentle means for him to stay warm &/or a hidey-hole of some sort would probably be appreciated, and take these with him if the vet isn't coming to your home. (this is another service you might want to consider, if your vet offers it) Play soothing music for him, or otherwise try to create a relaxing and loving atmosphere for his special time, and to help YOU stay a bit calmer, too. This is the time for the two of you to more fully treasure what you have with each other. But don't worry if you miss telling him something - you can always tell him later and he'll still hear you.

Reassure him now, ahead of time, about the totally safe, loving, peaceful, abundant and pain-free realm/plane he'll be easily stepping into, even if you're not sure about what it holds yourself. If this doesn't feel right for you, tell him whatever you CAN believe or imagine about it, such as who he might be greeted by there. If they're ready to go, from what I've learned, animals don't fear transitioning the way we humans often do, so try not to worry about that part once it's happening. If you'd like him to visit you in spirit, or come back to you (if you believe in that possibility), let him know that now.

Something most people usually don't do, but which I feel is incredibly helpful and loving to do for their loved one (esp. cats, who really don't relish surprises), is to find out first about what the whole procedure will entail, and let Macca know ahead of time what the steps will be (this includes any trip to the clinic, if that's what you're doing). And here, I'd like to suggest that you make SURE a pre-procedure sedative is given before the final injection, to keep him calm. Trust me, they should be given, to avoid any possible added trauma (that I won't go into here) for either one of you. You should also find out ahead of time where they're planning, or might plan, to give these injections, as that will allow you to pass the information on to Macca and you'll both be more prepared, as well as help keep you a bit more 'in the moment' at the time (for both your sakes), w/o having to wonder about what's next. Depending on which type of injection (and WHY that type) your vet plans on giving [there are 3 main ways they are given, usually depending on the state &/or needs of the patient at the time, or other important considerations...and this information should be willingly shared with you by your vet, if you ask], it's also good for you to know how quick or not it will be, based on which method they decide upon. It helps to be prepared for any eventuality, so you're not adding to your upset at the time.

You might also ask your vet ahead of time whether you will be allowed to stay with him for as long as you need afterwards, or if they have a separate room for that to which you can go and sit, or whatever that clinic provides. If there's nothing really provided, you can ask for it ahead of time and see if they'll grant you what you'd like.

Another important aspect that sadly many people aren't offered is the chance to discuss beforehand what they might wish to do for "arrangements". You don't want to be having to address this when you're least able to even think, and you don't want, I'm sure, to be quickly forced into making a decision and then regretting it later because you weren't aware of all the options and DETAILS. It may hurt to think of this now, but if, say, you'd prefer a "private" cremation versus a group one, now is the time to make those wishes known, rather than being shocked later because you didn't know. If you might want an autopsy (I refuse to use the deragatory term of "necropsy", exclusive to animals), now is the time to ask about that as well.

And when the time comes, allow yourself to feel however you're going to feel, whether that will include, as it has for some, actually feeling the peace that may enfold the room, sensing or even seeing the soul leave the body, or any number of other possible things like that, or, crying hysterically, or gently, or whatever it is going to be for YOU. Just allow it to be as it is. If you shed tears, please don't feel that Macca won't know that they come from your love for him. He will feel the energy of that love and know it's for him. Give yourself this permission and don't allow anyone to make you feel that there's anything 'wrong' with whatever your experience or reaction is.

I feel in these ways, you can be there for your beloved one in many ways you won't regret later on, in ways that will help you feel you did whatever was possible to help the both of you through such a painful and stressful time. My aim, when Nissa was dying, was to focus on whatever I felt was best for HER, first and foremost, and to give her any possible aid w/i my means. To me, this was all about HER and her dying and I didn't want to miss anything I felt would be important to me afterward. This intense focus, plus the protective numbness/shock helped keep me calmer than I'd ever been before when dealing with anything so emotionally-awful in my life.

Unfortunately, the particular vet our clinic sent to our home screwed a few things up for her/us, but at least these weren't MY mistakes and I can still say that I did everything I knew to do for my little girl, and the rest was out of my control.

We'll all be there with you in thought on Friday evening, and of course, after. You will be with him during his next rite of passage and that's such an honour and honourABLE thing to do, for the both of you. Your love will stay with Macca, rest assured, as his will stay with you, as a part of you that also will never die. Peace to you both....