The End Is Near, Cancers winning Options

[Murphy's Mom]

About 3 months ago in october we found out our dog gabriel had prostate cancer. A week later we found out he had cancer all over. It has been hell watching him waste away before my eyes and there is not a single thing I can do. We have him on steroids and pain killers but the last couple days it seems the medicines are not working so well anymore. I think we are almost at the end of the road. I watch him walk out to the yard so slowly limping on his one leg and wonder if we are just being selfish to keep him with us. But when I see him barking and trying to play with our younger dog, still interested in eating and just seems ok for now. . . how can you put him down. How can you end his life when he still has so much in him and I just cant. I know that it sounds I think he was still willing to go on as of yesterday but today. He just does not look well and I just see that look in his eyes that same one my other dog had when it was her time and it kills me. Because I am no tready. It is so hard to think about saying good bye but I think it is almost time. I never knew how painful watching cancer take a life could be. It is the worst thing I have ever been through. It is a constant rollar coaster of emotion. Thinking hey he is doing better today but knowing in the back of your head there is no such thing as better with this. He will not get better and it hurts. It just hurts. You know you grow up taking care of these wonderful creatures. The ones that layed by your side on lonely nights when the kids were not so nice at school and they kissed your face when tears were rolling because everything was going to hell at home and now they are the ones who need the comfurt and I cant do anything to help. I do all I can but nothing I do will make it go away. I know he will soon go to a better place away from the pain and the discomfurt. But I cant help but miss him so much for all he did for me for so many years. God is truely taking my angel away.

[Flossie's Mom]

Dear Murphy's Mom,

Boy, do I know what you are feeling right now! My Flossie did not have cancer but to watch her the last month KNOWING what I needed to do, AGONIZING over what I needed to do and even the tiniest glimmer that...... she had a good day today, walking good today, trying to play today and eating good the whole time (for her anyhow). I would tell myself this is false hope.... you know what needs to be done but just not able to give in. I finally called to make the appointment. One whole week ahead of time. That week was horrible for me but I knew I needed to follow through to not let her suffer as most days she couldn't even stand without the legs kicking her all over the place. She ran (the funny run she had at 17-1/2 with a back injury over 14 years prior) and tried to play with my H & I just 2 days before I put her down.

I lost a cat to cancer and did not take her in time to be put to sleep and I have never really forgiven myself for that as she did not go peacefully. It is awful to see them struggle and be nothing like they have been all those years. I should have let her go sooner but kept thinking it wasn't right since she seemed to have a lot of good days.

I believe that experience helped give me the strength to do what was best for Flossie even though it was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. She was so special to me and we had been through many, many difficult times together. She never gave up. Never. Not even to the end. That last week I spent a lot of time with her outside and if she couldn't walk that day, I carried her all over so she could enjoy the fresh air an open space of the farm we were on at the time.

I don't regret letting her go the way I had to. I wish it was not not the way it had to be. I did have many years with her and she kept me sane sometimes when my world was turned upside down. She knew I loved her more than any dog I've ever had and knew I did everything possible for her each time she needed me.

I guess I can't answer "how do you do it? put them down?" I don't know. Out of love? I really don't know how I did it. I can tell you I really, really drug my feet on it. Down to the last possible minute to make the call. I had to get her ashes back before we left the area. It took up to 2 weeks to get her ashes back & I missed the deadline for that week as they were taken to another city for cremation.

Our daughter's cat had cancer also and she waited like me; made her appointment and ended up taking the cat to emergency at 3am the night before her appointment.

So there are no easy decisions to be made as to "when" or "how". It is a roller coaster and will be a roller coaster when he is gone too..... when is the right time to let go? I think you know your Gabriel better than anyone else so when the mind and the heart can stop the quarrel..... it will be time.

Lots of people here have great thoughts and ideas that have helped them. They all understand what we go through. Most of them have been there. Some many times and have the greatest words of comfort for each new grieving parent, as well as those of us that are not so new here but still need kind words and special thoughts & prayers.

Thinking of you and your Gabriel as you help and comfort him with his journey to the Rainbow Bridge to wait for you.

Ginger