Hard Time Options

[JD1]

Not a year ago I had to go to my mother's home and get my childhood cat. My mother said she found an ulcer on her stomach and she was acting badly. We took her to the vet and the cancer combined with her age (19) it was decided that we put her to sleep. I held her and tried to comfort her even though I know she was very scared. The doc gave her two injections. One to calm her, and the other to stop her heart. I'm a 33 year old man, and this was by far the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. The image of life leaving her was more than I could bare at the time. The event has haunted me in my dreams ever since.

Fast forward to this last saturday. One of our cats that never lets me touch her stomach, well, I discover that she has mammary cancer that has ulcerated as well. I would have NEVER seen it as like I said she usually doesn't let you get anywhere near her stomach. She has been that way since she was a kitten. It was just by chance that I saw it. She acts perfectly fine. I of course know she isn't and now I'm faced with the inevitable that tomorrow I will have to have her put to sleep as well. I can tell it's at such an advanced stage that she has no hope of recovery. I'll have the vet confirm of course but I honestly don't think I can go through it again. Why must we fill our lives with pets only to have to see them go? Not only see them go, but aid in their departure!

I've been loving on her and crying all day. She gets excited at the prospect of going in the car, only this time she won't be coming back with me.

[JD1]

Wow, over a year later. Anyway, life went on of course. We adopted a 6 week old Orange Female Tabby a few weeks after my last post here. She has been a handful, but worth every moment.

I would like to very much thank everyone for their kind words. It really helped me more than you know. At the time it was hard to reply more than I did simply because of the tears. There are still times where I think I see or hear her but it no longer pains me to do so. When it happens I still talk to her, but it's more of a "How you doing today baby?" I've been able to get over 99.9% of the guilt so talking to her now is a good thing. Her main space in the house is where I spend most of my downtime.

So anyway, thanks again. Sadly though, we have a houseful of cats so I might need your help again someday.

[goliath]

There are still times where I think I see or hear her but it no longer pains me to do so. When it happens I still talk to her, but it's more of a "How you doing today baby?" I've been able to get over 99.9% of the guilt so talking to her now is a good thing.

How wonderful for you to have found a way to keep Katie so alive and well in your heart. I know the struggle of that first year too. All the ups and downs, the tears, and finally finding peace. Letting go of the pain and guilt has allowed you to move on with your life. As Toonie said, the love has healed you from within. Katie's gentle and loving spirit stays with you now and forever in a soothing kind of way. I too find myself talking or singing to my Goliath and just like you find it a good thing. Those special memories you made with Katie were the gift she left you to keep you smiling for the rest of your natural life.

May you always be showered in the beautiful and wonderful memories you have of Katie.

Hugs of love,
Beth