The Special Friend I Can't Believe I Lost Options

[MissingMyLittleM...]

My little man, Pata, was last seen by my husband around 10 am on 12/2 relaxing on the deck. I have been a complete mess ever since he disappeared. I never knew losing him would be this hard. He was definitely my baby and my little snuggle bug and I am feeling so completely empty without him running to greet me at the door and jumping up on my chest when I’m watching TV. I sit here and think over and over in my head those special moments that we shared. It’s like my mind is on a torturous repeat of all the times I will never again get to experience with my kitty.

I finally couldn’t take the “not knowing” and contacted an animal communicator and she confirmed what I already had suspected, that he has passed on. It still just doesn’t feel real though, like at any minute he is going to come running around the corner and jump up into my lap. I feel like I’m having a hard time coming to terms with it and realizing that he really isn’t coming back.

I’ve been reading the other stories on this site and it gives me some comfort to know that other people are experiences the same levels of grief because I was starting to feel like I was going crazy. He was such a special little kitty and the best pet friend I have ever had and losing him has been the hardest thing I think I have ever had to go through.

We knew when we moved out to this heavily forested area that there was a much higher chance that our outdoor kitties could be taken by coyotes or raccoons, but we still couldn’t bear to confine them to the house. Now I sit here crying every day and night wondering if I really did make the right choice and feeling like somehow I let him down and should have done more to protect him. All I can keep telling myself is that it was worth it for him to get 5 years being outside where he loved to explore than 10 or 15 years stuck inside. Still 5 years just doesn’t seem like long enough.

His brother, Tambo, who is my husbands kitty has been missing him ever since he left. I try to find comfort in him, but he just isn’t close to me like he is to my husband and it almost makes it harder when I look at him and realize what I have lost. Every time I see him running around the corner I think it’s my kitty and every night when he snuggles up to my husband and I lay there alone it just breaks my heart.

Thanks for listening!

[ann]

I'm so sorry your special friend has not returned home yet. I've had a battle with myself over the indoor/outdoor thing. When I decided to let my Arthur out it was because I had 2 others long ago who lived very long lives being outdoors. We lived on the corner of 2 busy streets too. His yard was a cat haven. Seeing him having his freedom and being so happy and loving life to the max filled me with joy.Along with fear. I use to convince myself that if he died outside, he died happy.
He got hurt, and having to put him down as a result was the hardest thing in the world for me. I often think it's all my fault, but deep down I know I'd do it all over again. Like you I have a hard time seeing them confind to the house it's whole life. I'm having a real issue with this. Anyways, I always feared and was most certain he would leave and never come back. Either way it still hurts. I have to deal with the guilt, the heartache, the people who know about what happened and have said when I got him, "don't let that cat out" . The I told you so looks..I've been here at LS for 6mo now, just trying to get some peace and comfort with this whole mess. You are not crazy for your feelings and your not alone..I do hope the a.c. is wrong, but if not, I hope you can find some comfort here too. Many hugs.. Ann