I Did Nothing. Options

[greenie]

I've always felt that she had health issues. Her breathing is too labored or heavy most the time. Her name is Gingee, a small terrier mutt, blonde wiry and bratty, as terriers are. Out of his two dogs, she's always been my "favorite." Maybe a few pounds heavy, but hardly fat. I would say to Adam.."she's not supposed to be breathing so hard." So he took her to the vet, who said she just needed to lose 3-5 pounds.

Yesterday, I went to Adam's, returning from my moms for an overnight stay. I entered his home and he expressed his concern for Gingee, as she wasn't herself. I saw her sitting on the couch, panting very hard. I became immediately alarmed, and sat down by her. She wouldn't move from her spot, and her panting was so heavy her entire body was heaving. Of course, it was a Sunday, when no vets are open. There are ER Vets, but they usually charge you around $150 just to be examined. Adam is unemployed, and I don't have much either. We worried about money. He said he wanted to take her, and then tell them he couldn't pay. I told him that isn't how ~~ works. We wondered if we were overreacting. We had a dinner to go to later, and needed ingredients. I told Adam to go to the store and get the ingredients, while I stayed back and bathed.

Gingee and I lay down awhile. She was distressed, could not get comfortable. I prayed for her to be ok, maybe just until we could get to a vet tomorrow. I never pray.

Adam came back home. Gingee was on the couch. He said she seemed worse. I told him he has a number of things he could sell to pay someone back. He asked if we should go now, or go to dinner and come back and check on her? I told him I've thought all along we should go, but we need to be responsible and pay for it. I said maybe she is ok, we can check on her when we get back? Gingee was laying on her side on the couch now, not able to get up. Adam became distressed at this, and said we need to take her now. I agreed.

I got my coat while Adam coaxed her up from the couch. I was looking for her leash when I heard Adam yell "oh my god i think she just died."

She had collapsed. We panicked, wrapped her in a towel. We took her to the ER vet (20 miles away), but she probably died right as we left the house.

This was just yesterday. I have since studied and it seems she probably had some congestive heart failure, which if caught early on, can be treated and life prolonged.

I will never ever ever forgive myself, as long as I live.

[LoveThem]

you said: I also made a necklace. I picked up a locket, a chain an some beads from Michael's, and made a simple locket necklace with a little of Gingee's fur inside. I know this seems creepy to some, but it helps me immensely to feel more connected to her.

I can't imagine anyone thinking "creepy" at all. "normal to do", yes.. creepy...no.

I got a air-tight ziplock bag and in it I put 2 of my boy's favorite toys...a tennis ball and a small rainbow ball, along with some of his fur. It is put away in my dresser drawer. In fact, I did the same thing for his sister and his twin brother who I lost before him. There are times looking at pictures is not enough and so this was my only way of keeping something physical...for a
physical connection. And so, when I cannot hug him anymore, I take out his bag and move his fur between my fingers. It is as soft as it was on him...it seems odd the fur feels so alive. But I also feel a connection touching it and having it....a real physical connection.

The best things we can always do is what makes us feel better to do...what helps us. Doing that is never anything but a normal way of helping ourselves.

I'm so glad you do have some of Gingee's fur. I only thought of keeping that with my 3 cats who were siblings. The best friends, mostly dogs, I had before that...I never thought of keeping their fur. But I always have kept everything else...food dishes...collars...leashes, etc etc. I find a comfort knowing not everything connected to them is gone forever.

That book is amazing. Usually something like finding that can be thought of as a sign of "contact" from our precious one.

Hugs and keep going one day at a time.....it all takes time but we do have happy healthy memories that help us deal with the sadness.

They are never gone because they are and have always been...a part of our heart. That's one place they will never ever leave.

Judy