I Did Nothing. Options

[greenie]

I've always felt that she had health issues. Her breathing is too labored or heavy most the time. Her name is Gingee, a small terrier mutt, blonde wiry and bratty, as terriers are. Out of his two dogs, she's always been my "favorite." Maybe a few pounds heavy, but hardly fat. I would say to Adam.."she's not supposed to be breathing so hard." So he took her to the vet, who said she just needed to lose 3-5 pounds.

Yesterday, I went to Adam's, returning from my moms for an overnight stay. I entered his home and he expressed his concern for Gingee, as she wasn't herself. I saw her sitting on the couch, panting very hard. I became immediately alarmed, and sat down by her. She wouldn't move from her spot, and her panting was so heavy her entire body was heaving. Of course, it was a Sunday, when no vets are open. There are ER Vets, but they usually charge you around $150 just to be examined. Adam is unemployed, and I don't have much either. We worried about money. He said he wanted to take her, and then tell them he couldn't pay. I told him that isn't how ~~ works. We wondered if we were overreacting. We had a dinner to go to later, and needed ingredients. I told Adam to go to the store and get the ingredients, while I stayed back and bathed.

Gingee and I lay down awhile. She was distressed, could not get comfortable. I prayed for her to be ok, maybe just until we could get to a vet tomorrow. I never pray.

Adam came back home. Gingee was on the couch. He said she seemed worse. I told him he has a number of things he could sell to pay someone back. He asked if we should go now, or go to dinner and come back and check on her? I told him I've thought all along we should go, but we need to be responsible and pay for it. I said maybe she is ok, we can check on her when we get back? Gingee was laying on her side on the couch now, not able to get up. Adam became distressed at this, and said we need to take her now. I agreed.

I got my coat while Adam coaxed her up from the couch. I was looking for her leash when I heard Adam yell "oh my god i think she just died."

She had collapsed. We panicked, wrapped her in a towel. We took her to the ER vet (20 miles away), but she probably died right as we left the house.

This was just yesterday. I have since studied and it seems she probably had some congestive heart failure, which if caught early on, can be treated and life prolonged.

I will never ever ever forgive myself, as long as I live.

[phoebekitty]

How sad to have lost your Gingee so quickly! Perhaps she had no chioce but to leave when she did. The truth is that CHF is hard to diagnose, because the symptoms are not evident until it is already much advanced. Our pets just don't tell us when they have a health problem.

My child/cat Felix died last Friday, Dec 5 at 4:45pm, with the aid of a vet who came to my house. He had CHF, diabetes, and had a blood clot which resulted in the loss of his front leg (due to CHF). He was a wonderful cat, was a great patient, all the vet staff loved him, and he always seemed to bounce back. What killed him was cancer, an agressive form in his bone that felled him within a matter of days! I had to watch as a once active, happy cat withered away and finally gave up, and lay in a rigid position. He would purr when I stroked and spoke to him, but he was wheezing, and I knew that he would die. I used plastic to pay for everything that I knew he needed, and yet, I could not predict what got him in the end.

As much as I tried to do, I feel guilty that I may have delayed too long to put an end to it, that I was selfish, hoping that the hip fracture he had could be fixed. I have been reading a lot about grieving for our pets, and the guilt that you and I feel, justified or not, is part of the whole mourning process.

I know in my heart that my cat felt loved, and had 12 years of happiness in our home. As much as I want to apologize to my kitty for any pain I may have caused him, I don't think he would blame me for anything. I believe that your Gingee would have nothing but love for you, and would tell you that now she is without pain. I hope that your grieving will subside, and that you (and I too!) will soon be able to get past the terrible pain of the last few days.

[greenie]

How sad to have lost your Gingee so quickly! Perhaps she had no chioce but to leave when she did. The truth is that CHF is hard to diagnose, because the symptoms are not evident until it is already much advanced. Our pets just don't tell us when they have a health problem.

My child/cat Felix died last Friday, Dec 5 at 4:45pm, with the aid of a vet who came to my house. He had CHF, diabetes, and had a blood clot which resulted in the loss of his front leg (due to CHF). He was a wonderful cat, was a great patient, all the vet staff loved him, and he always seemed to bounce back. What killed him was cancer, an agressive form in his bone that felled him within a matter of days! I had to watch as a once active, happy cat withered away and finally gave up, and lay in a rigid position. He would purr when I stroked and spoke to him, but he was wheezing, and I knew that he would die. I used plastic to pay for everything that I knew he needed, and yet, I could not predict what got him in the end.

As much as I tried to do, I feel guilty that I may have delayed too long to put an end to it, that I was selfish, hoping that the hip fracture he had could be fixed. I have been reading a lot about grieving for our pets, and the guilt that you and I feel, justified or not, is part of the whole mourning process.

I know in my heart that my cat felt loved, and had 12 years of happiness in our home. As much as I want to apologize to my kitty for any pain I may have caused him, I don't think he would blame me for anything. I believe that your Gingee would have nothing but love for you, and would tell you that now she is without pain. I hope that your grieving will subside, and that you (and I too!) will soon be able to get past the terrible pain of the last few days.

Of course I thank you for your kind words. However, there is just very little that can console me now. At least with your baby, you did all you could to see if you could save him. I didn't do anything! I think that Gingee was trying to plea for help, while we just stood by and did nothing! She probably felt terribly sick and very scared. It is my job to make sure my babies are ok, not ignore the warning signs of illness.

The silly thing is that this is not the first time I had a pet die young. I had a cat with feline leukemia (did all i could, but had to put him to sleep eventually. I was sad but knew I did the right thing) and about 4 years ago, another cat died around age 3 of what I suspected to be cardiomyopathy. I did EVERYTHING I could for him. Expensive vet stays and tons of tests. Without those, he would have died, as he was very sick for months. He got better and lived a normal happy life for about a year before dying. I could have given this same care and luxury to Gingee had I not been so careless!! I knew she was seriously ill, but I wouldn't listen to my gut...thinking she would MIGHT be ok, and worrying about stupid money! I was foolish, and made a fatal mistake that I will regret forever. She needed me to help her, and I didn't and because of that, she died! I can only imagine the terror and sadness she felt..I wish that it would have been me to feel that and not her!