Goodbye Rosie Goodbye Family Options

[Zita'sMom]

I feel that I've been followed by a black cloud for sometime. If anyone here has followed my story, I've lost 3 young cats the last 3 years (one murdered), and a dog, had some near death health issues, financial crises with the building of a new house (my H and I's "dream home") and just one thing after another.

Rosie is my husband's 17 year old border collie and she has been failing for some time. H has made an appointment to euthanize Monday morning. She has lost bladder and bowel control, she falls and can't get up and we've found her laying in her own diarrhea a few times. She had some quality of life when she went on walks on our property but she fell down on the hill the other day and got stuck - when I found her she was quite distressed. We've found her fallen down the steps as well. She just shivers now on the walks and I know she has no quality of life.

If that were not painful enough, during my first ever counselling session with H on Tuesday, H announced to me that he was splitting. He and my stepdaughter found a place the next day and they are moving stuff now. This comes as a total shock. I knew when I grieved Ziggy he was not able to handle that. What I realize is that he married me 2 years after his wife of 23 years died, and he had not dealt with the grief. I know it sounds like a soap opera, honestly I don't believe my life over the last 3 years since I met him.

To me this says that we must truly and honestly face our grief and not bury it. Otherwise we live on the "surface". If we disconnect to our feelings we can do a lot of damage to ourselves and others (H had told me of marrying me that he was "never so sure of anything his whole life").

You cannot run away from grief. It will follow you. Trust me I have learned this the very hard way.

Anyway, please do think of Rosie Monday morning and send your healing thoughts for a gentle and loving transition. I will not be there for the euthanasia because she was H's dog, and given the current situation it would just make the whole thing worse.

I do not know how to survive all this except just to breathe and live only in this moment. I do have good friends but I am still in shock.

Jan.

[Bubba]

Jan--For the first time ever on this forum I am speechless----------absolutley speechless--My God I am so sorry----------Bubba...........

[Jon730]

Jan--For the first time ever on this forum I am speechless----------absolutley speechless--My God I am so sorry

Same here. I....looked in prior to shutting down, and.......
It makes the way I handled my loss just look ...trivial...if you know what I mean...

[Zita'sMom]

Same here. I....looked in prior to shutting down, and.......
It makes the way I handled my loss just look ...trivial...if you know what I mean...

Thanks for checking in Jon - the support is appreciated.

Jan.

[Jon730]

"It's just one of those things. No point carrying on when it really didn't work for me." I had no idea he loved me so little. It's just so strange realizing someone is just putting on a happy face, all the while building up anger and resentment.

Now the next day when the shock has dulled, after reading your post last night, the only positive thing I can think to say is that at least with your next animal friend, you will again experience unconditional love, honesty, sincerity, loyalty, and devotion.

It is a sad commentary that it is about the only time we really experience it, outside of fiction and delusion, isn't it?

These stories leave me with a feeling of contempt for men, and disgust with humanity.

This happened to the girl next door: Lavish wedding, picturebook honeymoon.
2 years Later, "*shrug* I dunno. I thought about it, and just don't like being married."

WTF???? (Excuse me, but...Deathless prose just does not capture the essence.)

[Zita'sMom]

Now the next day when the shock has dulled, after reading your post last night, the only positive thing I can think to say is that at least with your next animal friend, you will again experience unconditional love, honesty, sincerity, loyalty, and devotion.

It is a sad commentary that it is about the only time we really experience it, outside of fiction and delusion, isn't it?

These stories leave me with a feeling of contempt for men, and disgust with humanity.

This happened to the girl next door: Lavish wedding, picturebook honeymoon.
2 years Later, "*shrug* I dunno. I thought about it, and just don't like being married."

WTF???? (Excuse me, but...Deathless prose just does not capture the essence.)

Sorry that I missed responding to your post earlier.

I still have 3 dogs and am looking after (for now) H's or should I say ex-H's German Shepherd for the moment.

Yeah, WTF is right! My H barely said a word except to agree with me or try to do as I asked most times. I realize now that he wasn't expressing his real truth. He wasn't honest to me, and maybe not to himself either.

I can have compassion for grieving someone that you were with 23 years, and gosh I could have given him plenty of room to do that within the relationship and with my support, but I think you can only use that sort of a thing as an excuse for so long. Grief is a reality in life if you love and lose someone, and if you continue loving afterwards that can be such a wonderful way to share and support each other. Turning away from someone - well I'm not sure what that means other than H couldn't handle feeling those feelings. He said things like I was always "falling apart" and that he "couldn't go down that road". Instead of cuddling with me when I was in pain over Ziggy, he turned away and didn't want to be near me.

This morning Rosie was supposed to be euthanized at 9:45, but the vet was delayed. I'm not sure what time she was euthanized, but I heard a bark from the upstairs living room that sounded like her at 10:50 this morning. I wonder if she was saying goodbye...

Jan.