Goodbye Rosie Goodbye Family Options

[Zita'sMom]

I feel that I've been followed by a black cloud for sometime. If anyone here has followed my story, I've lost 3 young cats the last 3 years (one murdered), and a dog, had some near death health issues, financial crises with the building of a new house (my H and I's "dream home") and just one thing after another.

Rosie is my husband's 17 year old border collie and she has been failing for some time. H has made an appointment to euthanize Monday morning. She has lost bladder and bowel control, she falls and can't get up and we've found her laying in her own diarrhea a few times. She had some quality of life when she went on walks on our property but she fell down on the hill the other day and got stuck - when I found her she was quite distressed. We've found her fallen down the steps as well. She just shivers now on the walks and I know she has no quality of life.

If that were not painful enough, during my first ever counselling session with H on Tuesday, H announced to me that he was splitting. He and my stepdaughter found a place the next day and they are moving stuff now. This comes as a total shock. I knew when I grieved Ziggy he was not able to handle that. What I realize is that he married me 2 years after his wife of 23 years died, and he had not dealt with the grief. I know it sounds like a soap opera, honestly I don't believe my life over the last 3 years since I met him.

To me this says that we must truly and honestly face our grief and not bury it. Otherwise we live on the "surface". If we disconnect to our feelings we can do a lot of damage to ourselves and others (H had told me of marrying me that he was "never so sure of anything his whole life").

You cannot run away from grief. It will follow you. Trust me I have learned this the very hard way.

Anyway, please do think of Rosie Monday morning and send your healing thoughts for a gentle and loving transition. I will not be there for the euthanasia because she was H's dog, and given the current situation it would just make the whole thing worse.

I do not know how to survive all this except just to breathe and live only in this moment. I do have good friends but I am still in shock.

Jan.

[goliath]

Oh my God Jan............I am so sorry to hear that you are being forced to face even more tragedy than you already have in such a short amount of time. Sometimes when so many things happen so quickly in a marriage that are hard to deal with, one spouse or the other or both have a hard time dealing with the sadness and stress that goes along with it. I don't know how long you've been married, but it may be beneficial to both of you to continue the counseling even if the end result is splitting up. When so much has happened to both of you, often times it piles on top of the love that started your relationship in the beginning. I'm not a marriage counselor, but I can tell you my husband and I have weathered many storms over the 35 years we have been married. Some of those storms have been tumultuous at best. Many years ago we wound up in marriage counseling after a very stressful time in our lives. Struggling through the counseling brought us back in touch with each other and it was the best thing we could have ever done for ourselves. It was well worth the work each of us put into it.

It saddens me to hear that Rosie's health is failing. No doubt it has affected your husband deeply as well as you. You can count on me to think of Rosie, as well as you and your husband on Monday. I can't imagine the grief and anxiety you are feeling right now as you anticipate Monday's arrival in letting go of sweet Rosie. May God send you both comfort and strength during this ever so sad time.

Much love and hugs of comfort from my heart to yours,
Beth