My Heart Is Broken Options

[Casey's Mom]

I lost my Casey on Sunday morning at 11:35 and I am completely devastated. Casey was my best friend and baby girl. I rescued her from the animal shelter 16 1/2 years ago when she was just 6 weeks old, and she has been the biggest part of my life since. I'm beating myself up over every time I fussed at her over the years ... I can't help it. She was the sweetest girl in the world, and never failed to show me how much she loved me. She died in my arms and I miss her more than I thought possible.

She had a place in everything that I do every day ... she would lay at my feet while I was putting on makeup every morning, she would meow "MaMa" when she saw me after I got home from work every day ... we had a routine each day of taking care of her and now I'm so very lost. I never realized how un-alone I was until Sunday afternoon, and even though I want to be home a greiving, home isn't the same place anymore. I see her everywhere ... my life centered around her and taking care of her (especially lately when she started to not feel 100%), and now I just don't know what to do with myself. Coming home from work yesterday to a completely empty house for the first time was horrible. I coulnd't do anything but lay on the couch, hold her picture, one of her bed cushions and a towel that was hers, and cry and keep asking myself if there was anything else I could have done for her. I still tell her goodnight when I lay my head down on my pillow because I've done it for almost 17 years and I just can't stop abruptly. The first day was awful, the 2nd day was awful, and the 3rd day is still awful ... when does the grief get any better? I feel like I've lost a part of myself. I know that she's healthy and waiting on me, but I am hurting so very much right now. I know that God will send me a sign from her when the time is right ... He has answered all of my other prayers for her in His way ... I just need to know that she is okay and happy and taken care of.

I apologize for rambling, but my thoughts are just so all over the place right now ...

She will always be my precious baby girl and I will always be her MaMa ... I just feel so completely lost and alone right now.

[Flossie's Mom]

Casey's Mom,

I am 2 days from my 4 weeks without my wonderful Flossie. I know I would feel the same as you about getting another baby now. I guess I was lucky that just 4 months before I had to let her go a small dog adopted us and my niece gave me a kitten.

I didn't really want either one as I knew in my heart that Flossie's time was limited. Of course I was hoping for more than those 4 months. I knew for a month she was not having a quality of life that we both wanted and it was a horrible month.

Even though I did not want these two furry ones, I am very glad they are here. Having to look after their needs really does distract from the lonlieness. This is only how it works right now for me. I still cry every day. I will for a long time I'm sure , but having a cat to snuggle with me every night and be there in the morning does help. Having the dog to walk and come running to you with such a happy wagging tail really makes you feel like you are important.

Having lost many before this I know you will eventually have better days. It has been different amounts of time for each one I've lost as well as different intensity. Flossie was my all time best dog and will be missed until the day I join her at the bridge. Take whatever time is right for you before you add your new baby.

You are in my prayers tonight and for as long as you need to be.

Ginger