My Heart Is Broken Options

[Casey's Mom]

I lost my Casey on Sunday morning at 11:35 and I am completely devastated. Casey was my best friend and baby girl. I rescued her from the animal shelter 16 1/2 years ago when she was just 6 weeks old, and she has been the biggest part of my life since. I'm beating myself up over every time I fussed at her over the years ... I can't help it. She was the sweetest girl in the world, and never failed to show me how much she loved me. She died in my arms and I miss her more than I thought possible.

She had a place in everything that I do every day ... she would lay at my feet while I was putting on makeup every morning, she would meow "MaMa" when she saw me after I got home from work every day ... we had a routine each day of taking care of her and now I'm so very lost. I never realized how un-alone I was until Sunday afternoon, and even though I want to be home a greiving, home isn't the same place anymore. I see her everywhere ... my life centered around her and taking care of her (especially lately when she started to not feel 100%), and now I just don't know what to do with myself. Coming home from work yesterday to a completely empty house for the first time was horrible. I coulnd't do anything but lay on the couch, hold her picture, one of her bed cushions and a towel that was hers, and cry and keep asking myself if there was anything else I could have done for her. I still tell her goodnight when I lay my head down on my pillow because I've done it for almost 17 years and I just can't stop abruptly. The first day was awful, the 2nd day was awful, and the 3rd day is still awful ... when does the grief get any better? I feel like I've lost a part of myself. I know that she's healthy and waiting on me, but I am hurting so very much right now. I know that God will send me a sign from her when the time is right ... He has answered all of my other prayers for her in His way ... I just need to know that she is okay and happy and taken care of.

I apologize for rambling, but my thoughts are just so all over the place right now ...

She will always be my precious baby girl and I will always be her MaMa ... I just feel so completely lost and alone right now.

[Casey's Mom]

I want to thank everyone for all of their kind words, thoughts and prayers. Tomorrow will be one week since I lost Casey ... it seems like just yesterday one minute, and then an eternity ago another. I did go visit my friend, and her kids really helped lift my mood a little. My friends are like my sisters, and they really tried to help me. The way home wasn't as great ... kept thinking about returning to an empty house. Then when I did, I automatically went back to Casey's room and she wasn't there. This is about the time that everything started going downhill for us last Saturday night, and I'm reliving every minute ... both being so incredibly sad that I can't describe it and thanking God for allowing me to hold her all night for her last night.

I think I've been able to piece together what happened to cause Casey's passing ... we think she had a stroke. Dottie - hope you're reading this ... could her being in the ER with the really upset and mean cat have caused this in any way? I just have to figure this out in my head ...

I'm not looking forward to tomorrow and not sure what to do with myself. Please keep me in your prayers ...

Thanks to all for their help,
Lisa