My Heart Is Broken Options

[Casey's Mom]

I lost my Casey on Sunday morning at 11:35 and I am completely devastated. Casey was my best friend and baby girl. I rescued her from the animal shelter 16 1/2 years ago when she was just 6 weeks old, and she has been the biggest part of my life since. I'm beating myself up over every time I fussed at her over the years ... I can't help it. She was the sweetest girl in the world, and never failed to show me how much she loved me. She died in my arms and I miss her more than I thought possible.

She had a place in everything that I do every day ... she would lay at my feet while I was putting on makeup every morning, she would meow "MaMa" when she saw me after I got home from work every day ... we had a routine each day of taking care of her and now I'm so very lost. I never realized how un-alone I was until Sunday afternoon, and even though I want to be home a greiving, home isn't the same place anymore. I see her everywhere ... my life centered around her and taking care of her (especially lately when she started to not feel 100%), and now I just don't know what to do with myself. Coming home from work yesterday to a completely empty house for the first time was horrible. I coulnd't do anything but lay on the couch, hold her picture, one of her bed cushions and a towel that was hers, and cry and keep asking myself if there was anything else I could have done for her. I still tell her goodnight when I lay my head down on my pillow because I've done it for almost 17 years and I just can't stop abruptly. The first day was awful, the 2nd day was awful, and the 3rd day is still awful ... when does the grief get any better? I feel like I've lost a part of myself. I know that she's healthy and waiting on me, but I am hurting so very much right now. I know that God will send me a sign from her when the time is right ... He has answered all of my other prayers for her in His way ... I just need to know that she is okay and happy and taken care of.

I apologize for rambling, but my thoughts are just so all over the place right now ...

She will always be my precious baby girl and I will always be her MaMa ... I just feel so completely lost and alone right now.

[Casey's Mom]

Thank you so much Dottie! (My name is Lisa - you were right) Your words have brought me a lot of comfort. I know that my faith in God will carry me through this awful time in my life. I absolutely do have faith that Casey and I will be together again, and that it is my human nature that brings the grief and sadness. I read in a book the other day that if we were given everything on this earth that we longed for, then we would never believe in Heaven or strive to be there. I truly believe that. You are welcome to share anything at all with me, Dottie ... I appreciate any and all help and comfort. I know that Casey stayed with me as long as she could, and when she knew that I could accept it, she felt that she could go to the Bridge. I feel so very blessed to have been able to call her my baby for 16 1/2 years and wouldn't give anything for that time. Since I don't have any children, she was truly my child.

Thank you again for your kind thoughts and comfort. Please keep me in your prayers.

Take care,
Lisa

[AngelCareOne]

Thank you so much Dottie! (My name is Lisa - you were right) Your words have brought me a lot of comfort. I know that my faith in God will carry me through this awful time in my life. I absolutely do have faith that Casey and I will be together again, and that it is my human nature that brings the grief and sadness. I read in a book the other day that if we were given everything on this earth that we longed for, then we would never believe in Heaven or strive to be there. I truly believe that. You are welcome to share anything at all with me, Dottie ... I appreciate any and all help and comfort. I know that Casey stayed with me as long as she could, and when she knew that I could accept it, she felt that she could go to the Bridge. I feel so very blessed to have been able to call her my baby for 16 1/2 years and wouldn't give anything for that time. Since I don't have any children, she was truly my child.

Thank you again for your kind thoughts and comfort. Please keep me in your prayers.

Take care,
Lisa

{{{{{{{Lisa}}}}}}} You are such a dear, loving, wonderful person and fur kid Mommy. What a treasure you are and I really mean that, Hon. Please know that not only is it okay to grieve but very important to grieve in the way you choose for as long as you choose. You'll read about that in those two short articles and why. Well, when I say "in the way you choose," you know I don't mean for you to paint your body red, run out in the street, swing a telephone over your head a cluck like a chicken. Sorry, I know that sounded funny but that's what some people do when they snap and it can only get you beat up, arrested or taken to the funny farm. Again, sorry. I got that line from an episode of the old, old Dick Van Dyke Show TV series.

Of course, it's most acceptable and understandable to (in private) go to the floor, beat your fists on a cushion or carpet (don't want you to hurt yourself), scream, cry, shout ... Just to get it out. If you don't release or "turn" that little valve on top of the boiling pressure cooker to release a little steam, man oh man ... You know what happens then. Eeekkkk. So do express your grief, sorrow, pain, loneliness, devastation. Here at LS, you will be understood no matter how long. Hey, last month on October 16th was one year for me but I think I told you that. In the beginning and for months, I did scream like I was being tortured, cried like a wounded canine or primate. Just make sure your neighbors know you're all right should they hear you or they may become concerned that you're being attacked. Yes, that happened and bless my neighbor for calling the authorities to make sure I was not under attack. Still you know what I'm saying ... Take ... Your ... Time ... To ... Grieve.

There are those close real life friends be they coworkers or friends at church or what have you that will sympathize for a short time then look at you like you with confusion, disinterest, avoid you ... Forgive them. They don't understand but sure would if they read those articles written by physicians who are professionals in this area. It is normal to feel as much or even more grief from the loss of a beloved fur or feather kid as from a parent, sibling or even spouse. That's right. The same or even more.

You said you have no children. That is also covered in those two articles. Lisa, I was so very, very, very relieved to find those articles because I thought I was going insane. Oh My Gosh. Then, all I felt, my behavior and more were all validated, explained and I found those who reacted even "crazier" than I did. Those poor souls. No, I never "should" on anyone so I'm certainly not going to tell you that you "should" read them. However, I hope to gently coax you in that direction because ... Well, because and I'll leave it at that except to say that I guarantee you won't regret reading them and will read them again and again and again.

Lisa, I read one other concern of yours causing you guilt ... Let me scroll down to make sure I have it right. BRB. Okay. Here's part of a quote from you which appears to be a very big upset, worry and you're eating yourself up, Dear One ...

I'm picking it apart ... praying that I didn't do anything wrong by trying to syringe feed her a tiny bit of food (which I know that she swallowed okay) to worrying that the beef baby food that I gave her on Friday night hurt her in any way ...

Lisa, I've told you about my expertise. What you don't know are two things. 1. I'm very gosh dang good at what I do with animals and if I'm not sure, I either consult or refer to someone more familiar with that breed. And ... 2. I don't lie except for 2 exceptions which are to hide a surprise birthday party or to "fib" a compliment to a live friend. Hey, it's a little white fib and I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. Other than that, I either tell the truth or I say nothing at all ....

So here is the truth. Regarding your great "guilt concern" that I quoted you expressing: You did nothing wrong. Promise. I did see where you wrote that your fur baby could swallow, you remembered what the ER Vet had said, and you did fine when you fed Casey via the syringe. You did absolutely fine and not a thing in the world wrong. Would I have done anything differently? I doubt it except I may have just tried fluid instead then again I may have done exactly as you did. Honest and for true. Now, you've heard it from a trained professional who would either tell you the truth or say nothing at all.

Hon, do you have any other questions at all? I can assure you of so much that you "might think" Casey was adversely experiencing when she, in fact, was not. Please do let me know. I'm here, Lisa.

On another note, even though it never matters to us how young or old our fur kids are when they go to The Rainbow Bridge, you have many, many wonderful years to reminisce about the great times ... That is after your own personal grieving period which may take some or a long time. Ahhh, but when you're ready somewhere down the road, what great memories of all kinds you'll have to smile about, share and keep Casey alive each time you tell her story of all she is and does. Yes, I have a song about that, too. I mostly express myself using images, songs and the like. Here though, I am hoping and praying that I'm of some help. I want to help more. Don't be afraid to say something because one of us at LS will be here for you!

More Comforting Hugs, Love Peace and Angels to You and Fur Baby Casey!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox[