How Do You Survive The First Day?, coping...maybe Options

[Dianaa]

Hi....
I can hardly believe I'm writing these words-- our sweet little dog Yogi was struck and killed by a speeding driver yesterday afternoon.

She was an eleven year old Italian Greyhound, very vibrant and loving. My husband took her out front to chase the ball-- her favorite thing in the world. Usually she was pretty sensible and stayed on the lawn but for some unknowable reason, yesterday she stepped into the street --at the exact moment this car seemed to materialize from nowhere. If it hadn't been speeding it wouldn't have hit her-- she was practically standing still.

I was inside in my office at home and heard the whole thing happen-- my husband yelling, the impact, all of it. She was killed pretty instantly-- I'm grateful that she didn't suffer. I did scream once at the driver who was crouched by her body-- I couldn't help myself, I screamed with all my might, You killed my dog. At least he didn't hit and run. My husband told him he shouldn't be speeding and that he better scram. I felt like my whole body was shaking apart. I went and stood by her broken body until we could move her, to make sure no other cars hit her.

We don't have children, though I'm not even sure if that really matters, but we adored Yogi. We had her for almost eleven years, since she was six weeks old. Her little muzzle was turning white but she was still completely joyous, vibrant and puppylike. She had one fang that kind of tilted out, so we called her Snagglepuss. She had this way of shivering and giving people "kisses" by wrapping her forepaws around your head and pressing her chest against your face. She loved all sorts of people--even crazy people and scary people that you kind of wished she didn't love so much ;-) I guess all pet-lovers must think this, but what a magical quality she had --it was uniquely her own and I'm crushed, knowing there will never ever be another one like her. They're just like people, aren't they? Each one so unique.

Maybe it's human nature to feel like if we love something so much that somehow it magically protects them, that nothing will ever happen to them. It's such so hard to believe or take in. I don't know. I feel so stupid and lost and like something has torn my heart right out of my chest. It's 2:30 in the afternoon as I write this. I can barely eat. All I seem to do is leak tears and stare. I keep thinking I see her. I keep imagining I heard her little toenails tapping on the floor. She loved to watch us from her beds as we worked. What do you do? How do you not die from grief? I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound grand or melodramatic, I just really mean it. How do you get through the day after they die?

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[Dianaa]

Dear Beth and Bentley's Mom,

Ah, both your thoughts are so so helpful and appreciated-- thank you so much for weighing in honestly. My sweet Yogi's only been gone for a week-- it's surprising to me how all at once so many friends are suggesting we get a new dog. I guess our friends just hate to see us in pain and want to find the "antidote" right away. I feel very encouraged and strengthened by your words that it's okay to wait. (Funny -- it all sort of reminds me of my father who tried to rush me into marrying my first boyfriend-- yikes! Am I ever glad I waited for the right one to come along...;-))

Big hugs and gratitude,
Diana

[Zita'sMom]

I feel very encouraged and strengthened by your words that it's okay to wait. (Funny -- it all sort of reminds me of my father who tried to rush me into marrying my first boyfriend-- yikes! Am I ever glad I waited for the right one to come along...;-))

Yes, "the right one" I think that's the key. I adopted Ziggy right after Christmas and Zita had gone missing October 20th. She didn't replace Zita, not in any way shape or form, but she was definitely the "right one". So I think it's mostly about paying attention to yourself. I also adopted a dog who looked a lot like my first dog - he has been extremely challenging and is nothing at all like my first dog. You can never replace the ones who are gone, so it's a matter of finding the one that is the right match for *you*. Your pet is the one family member you *are* allowed to choose. With Ziggy, I just knew. She was the "one".

take care

Jan.