How Do You Survive The First Day?, coping...maybe Options

[Dianaa]

Hi....
I can hardly believe I'm writing these words-- our sweet little dog Yogi was struck and killed by a speeding driver yesterday afternoon.

She was an eleven year old Italian Greyhound, very vibrant and loving. My husband took her out front to chase the ball-- her favorite thing in the world. Usually she was pretty sensible and stayed on the lawn but for some unknowable reason, yesterday she stepped into the street --at the exact moment this car seemed to materialize from nowhere. If it hadn't been speeding it wouldn't have hit her-- she was practically standing still.

I was inside in my office at home and heard the whole thing happen-- my husband yelling, the impact, all of it. She was killed pretty instantly-- I'm grateful that she didn't suffer. I did scream once at the driver who was crouched by her body-- I couldn't help myself, I screamed with all my might, You killed my dog. At least he didn't hit and run. My husband told him he shouldn't be speeding and that he better scram. I felt like my whole body was shaking apart. I went and stood by her broken body until we could move her, to make sure no other cars hit her.

We don't have children, though I'm not even sure if that really matters, but we adored Yogi. We had her for almost eleven years, since she was six weeks old. Her little muzzle was turning white but she was still completely joyous, vibrant and puppylike. She had one fang that kind of tilted out, so we called her Snagglepuss. She had this way of shivering and giving people "kisses" by wrapping her forepaws around your head and pressing her chest against your face. She loved all sorts of people--even crazy people and scary people that you kind of wished she didn't love so much ;-) I guess all pet-lovers must think this, but what a magical quality she had --it was uniquely her own and I'm crushed, knowing there will never ever be another one like her. They're just like people, aren't they? Each one so unique.

Maybe it's human nature to feel like if we love something so much that somehow it magically protects them, that nothing will ever happen to them. It's such so hard to believe or take in. I don't know. I feel so stupid and lost and like something has torn my heart right out of my chest. It's 2:30 in the afternoon as I write this. I can barely eat. All I seem to do is leak tears and stare. I keep thinking I see her. I keep imagining I heard her little toenails tapping on the floor. She loved to watch us from her beds as we worked. What do you do? How do you not die from grief? I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound grand or melodramatic, I just really mean it. How do you get through the day after they die?

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[Dianaa]

Jan, Dottie, and all friends,

It is so good to hear your compassionate and wise "voices." Every morning, I go to visit Yogi's grave, then I check to see what wisdom and comfort you have so generously offered. Thank you so much.

Last night we went out with friends who are passionate dog lovers (they own about seven or eight dogs between the two of them-- I've lost count!) And they were encouraging us to start thinking about getting a puppy. I feel so torn and confused about that. Yogi was our only child and part of me worries that a new dog means that we're being disloyal or somehow less devoted to her memory. Like a widower who remarries too quickly? But I also find that I've started peeping at breeder and rescue websites and just the sight of the puppies gives me such a sweet moment of happiness. I know that my sweetheart is unreplaceable--beyond a one of a kind--what does it mean to get a new pup?

I think I'm starting to understand why so many fur families have more than one doggie or kitty at once.

We went out yesterday and bought a flower to plant on Yogi's grave-- it's called a necklace plant--sophora tomentosa-- and it produces lovely sprigs of yellow buds that attract butterflies. The girl would love that. But what really got me about this plant? Its new leaves have an incredible velvety quality that reminds me of the feel of Yogi's ears.

With love,
Diana

[4Bentley]

Jan, Dottie, and all friends,

It is so good to hear your compassionate and wise "voices." Every morning, I go to visit Yogi's grave, then I check to see what wisdom and comfort you have so generously offered. Thank you so much.

Last night we went out with friends who are passionate dog lovers (they own about seven or eight dogs between the two of them-- I've lost count!) And they were encouraging us to start thinking about getting a puppy. I feel so torn and confused about that. Yogi was our only child and part of me worries that a new dog means that we're being disloyal or somehow less devoted to her memory. Like a widower who remarries too quickly? But I also find that I've started peeping at breeder and rescue websites and just the sight of the puppies gives me such a sweet moment of happiness. I know that my sweetheart is unreplaceable--beyond a one of a kind--what does it mean to get a new pup?

I think I'm starting to understand why so many fur families have more than one doggie or kitty at once.

We went out yesterday and bought a flower to plant on Yogi's grave-- it's called a necklace plant--sophora tomentosa-- and it produces lovely sprigs of yellow buds that attract butterflies. The girl would love that. But what really got me about this plant? Its new leaves have an incredible velvety quality that reminds me of the feel of Yogi's ears.

With love,
Diana

Diana-

I got a new dog three weeks after I lost my baby Bentley. It seemed as if every time i talked to someone in my family about how sad I was they said to get a new dog. I wasn't sure but I soon found myself looking in the paper and browsing on our local shelter's website. I decided to get a dog from a shelter because I reasoned that if I couldn't save my dog's life at least I could save another's life. And my husband and I have so much love to give we could redirect our grief and love a dog who needs a home.

I wish now I hadn't. It was too soon.
I found myself devastated when I heard the new dogs nails pitter patter on the wood floors like Bentley's would. I would see her run by in a flash of black and catch my breath. is that bentley? Then the resentment set in. Bentley never peed in the house. this one doesn't seem to do anything but. She chews, she nips at my one year old- Bentley would always run over to her with licks, this one growls and chases the cat- Bentley would cuddle and lovingly receive tongue baths. I know I shouldn't think this way, I know its not fair to the new dog but I can't help it. I take her on walks and I think i don't want to walk you I want to walk Bentley. I constantly tell myself to give her a chance but I just think it was too soon. the excitement of thinking about a new dog momentarily replaced the grief and that felt so nice but I am still too deep in the grieving process. Maybe if I waited longer like Goliath six months or so I could have healed more.

It is nice to have pets in the house to love and I don't mean to discourage you in any way. i just want to share my experience with you because I too had my dog leave me suddenly. Just make sure you are open and good luck to you.