Feeling Guilt, Dakota Options

[4theluvofdgs]

Im sure this is something that you all have gone through, but the last couple of nights Im feeling intense guilt and reliving the moments , the hour actually that we rushed Dakota to the vet and made the decision that he should be put to sleep. I keep thinking that maybe if we would have let him have the blood transfusion and another exploritory surgery it would be possible that he would be here right now. Dakota had Autoimmune Hymolytic Anemia and Degeneritive Myelopothy. We asked the emergency vet if this was ever going to get better with him before we could let them start blood transfusions etc or the surgery. She said she really couldnt say what the long term prognosis would be and that the transfusion could temporarily make him feel better, but since he had his spleen out already and was on streriods and chemo and they werent working that it wasnt likely. She said that what he would have to go through to get better was very extensive not to mention that his Degeneritive Myelopothy was complicating things. Plus she didnt really feel that any of it would work for him. I know what she said, but I keep rethinking that maybe we should have gone ahead and put him through one more surgery. But he was suffering so bad and his anemia was down to 10 ( the normal is 35 or higher ) I dont know, Im still rethinking over and over our decision. His regular vet called and said that we made the right choice, but then I wondered if she tells everyone that just so that they dont feel terrible. My husband said that we made the right choice for him, but although he could not walk or go to the bathroom by himself anymore ( we had to hold him up ) I feel like his face was so much alive. It was his body just gave out. I know that on this site I read that this is normal and you cant relive it, but its haunting me and I cant get past it. I know Dakota wouldnt want me to feel this way and Im trying to get past it.

Please help with your thoughts, and I would like truly honest replies. Do you think I did the right thing ? Like I said, its haunting me.

Colleen

[4theluvofdgs]

Thank you all for your compassion and understanding. Im sure I never could have gotten through these past 4 days without all of your help.

I brought my younger dog Nikki to Pet Co yesterday and bought her some new treats and new toys. It was the first time that I had been out of the house since Dakota died. We played hard with her last night and she seemed very happy. I think it made us all feel better. We have her still and she is another wonderful little soul. Every single time I have started to cry in the past few days she would come running to me and sits right infront of me until I stop. When my son would start crying she would run to get me ! I am so blessed to have had both of my dogs in my life. They are truly angels.

I woke up today not feeling as desperate as I was the past few days. I miss him so much, but Im starting to realize that we did the best we could for him.

I think yesterday was the hardest day for me with cleaning the house. Its funny how all the things that drove me crazy when he was alive were the things I feel like Im going to miss the most. The nose prints on the windows, water all over the floor and his drool on the window ledge that he left when he would wait by the window for my husband to get home. I was home alone for the first time yesterday and finally cleaned up a bit. It was so hard to erase those signs of him.

Again, thank you all for getting me through these past few days. Im so glad I found this site.
Colleen