New Here, mouning the loss of my shadow Options

[shadowgirl]

I just wanted to intrduce myself. My name is Julia and on October 11th, we had to put our Shadow down. She had breast cancer that spread very quickly. It was only a week from the time we found out, to the time we let her go. Her tumor was bleeding and was large and cut off the circulation to her back right leg causing adema. She was in so much pain and wouldn't eat or drink. She was a border collie-lab mix and was nine years old. She was so loving to our 4 and 3 year old kids. She was our girl. I miss her so much. I miss everything about her. I feel gulity. The could've, should've, would'ves are driving me nuts. We had her cremated and should be recieving her ashes this week. Friends think we're crazy for this and for grieving so much.
thanks for listening...

[shadowgirl]

Thank you to everyone. It's nice to find a place where people are so nice and understand.

I still can't get over the empty feeling. My mom passed away suddenly almost four years ago and it feels like that scab has been ripped open. When we told our children that Shadow died, it was hard. They kept asking when she was coming back. We had to tell them she wasn't and that she was in doggy heaven. Now they're asking when will we get another pet. We just tell them we will when and if mommy and daddy are ready. I know they're just 3 and 4 and don't understand.

Does anyone still go to the door to let them in and forget that they're gone. Or swear you hear their bark or footsteps. Or still expect to see their face peeking at you in the window excited that you're home?

Thanks for listening to me ramble on...

Julia