New Here, mouning the loss of my shadow Options

[shadowgirl]

I just wanted to intrduce myself. My name is Julia and on October 11th, we had to put our Shadow down. She had breast cancer that spread very quickly. It was only a week from the time we found out, to the time we let her go. Her tumor was bleeding and was large and cut off the circulation to her back right leg causing adema. She was in so much pain and wouldn't eat or drink. She was a border collie-lab mix and was nine years old. She was so loving to our 4 and 3 year old kids. She was our girl. I miss her so much. I miss everything about her. I feel gulity. The could've, should've, would'ves are driving me nuts. We had her cremated and should be recieving her ashes this week. Friends think we're crazy for this and for grieving so much.
thanks for listening...

[shannon2183]

Julia,

Welcome to the site. I have only been on it about a week and a half, but it has helped tremendously. I just lost my Min Pin Penny on the 12th, and they believe it was toxemia. Basically she was fine at 2:30pm, and was deathly ill by 3:30. The vet got her through most of the night, but when he returned at 10am she had passed. So it was so sudden. That was a shock to me, honestly I'm still feeling like "is this actually possible?". I was thinking of your story and even though I was sooo fearful for about 24 hours, I can imagine that what I was feeling at that time was extended for a full week for you and your family. You and your family must have already been emotionally drained by the time she actually passed. That would have been tough.

However, I read your post, and feel a special empathy. You speak of your children and I'm sure that Shadow was a major part of the workings of your family. I know that right now I feel really "out of sync" with life. Penny was such a part of my every day everything that her being gone really throws me for a loop. My husband just deployed as well, so I'm trying to work it out sort of on my own, and he is having to work it out on his own. If people think you're crazy, just read our stories, cuz you're not. I began reading a book about pet loss, and the author states that in some ways grieving for a pet can be more difficult than for a human. I suppose it depends on the human. However, he writes that dogs (and cats) tend to be our "alter-egos"...they contain all of the innocence, dependence, unconditional love, and almost childlike qualities that we used to have, but as we grow older, we lose them to an extent. Pets maintain that for us, and we can be completely and totally ourselves with our pets. Maybe we can even be more ourselves with our pets than with our spouse. There is never any judgement. They just love, and accept love. It's an amazing union. People who do not understand simply have never found a true bond with a pet, so I guess we can't expect them to get it.

I don't know about you, but for me, I start to feel a bit better, and then the next moment I have this extreme pit in my stomach, and get so mad and just want to scream. But I think that will be the cycle for who knows how long. I'll just accept it, and almost embrace it. Shadow will always remain in your life! I know for me, the memories and lessons Penny has taught me will never leave me. In some ways that's a comfort. Do you feel better now that you have her ashes? Sometimes I think I'll feel better once I have her back (unfortunately where I'm at there is a 2 month wait, so that's tearing me apart a bit.)

I'm thinking of you and your family. But I bet Penny and Shadow have already met and are running through endless fields and chasing lots of birds...I'm sure all of the pets we speak of with so much love are all bestest buds!

One day at a time:)
~Shannon