Anyone Ever Delayed Vet Care And Then Lost Their Pet? Guilt Is Horribl Options

[hope2heal]

I had to put my dog to sleep in July and I am overwhelmed with guilt, for NOT FOLLOWING UP after my dog continued to show symptoms. We only had her for 2 1/2 years. She was a rescue dog, approx. 7 yrs old. In mid-spring she seemed hesitant in urinating (I thought it was maybe because we had lots of rain--which she hated--and foxes coming in the yard marking territory--she would pee faster when I took her out front); then drinking seemed a little less. I took her to the vet and she tested negative for a UTI (she was on immunosuppressant drugs to keep an auto immune illness in check; had had 2 UTIs before). Vet just said urine was highly alkaline and had crystals. I asked if that could be from diet he said sometimes; gave no recommendations. I was always catching grief from spouse re: vet bills; I know that had some influence in my not looking further into this. My gut kept telling me something was not right but I kept dismissing it. I was always on top of things for her EVERY other time, but currently feeling quite a strain in my marriage. It sickens me now, after doing research I believe she may have had kidney stones or some blockage, and slowly became toxic and organs shut down. Here I was planning to finally take her back in to the vet the week following July 4th but she suddenly crashed. Hospital gave diagnosis of Immune Mediated Hemolytic Anemia (she had become anemic, but I wonder if it's because her liver probably shut down. Hospital didn't check her liver numbers so I'll never know for sure I suppose). (I was so upset at hospital I didn't remember to tell them about peeing symptom.)

I feel like no one here has or would do such a horrible thing. I feel I let my dog down, that I LET HER DIE! HOW could I DO such a thing? Why didn't I research her symptoms more? Here I am now, doing it AFTER she's gone. I always knew that kidney failure was excessive drinking and urinating, so that was another factor in my dismissing it. BUT I do remember having the thought before of Could there be a blockage? and I apparently DISMISSED IT! My dog was having symptoms for WEEKS and I tried to explain it away to myself, Well she's drinking less, so there's less pee...BLAH BLAH BLAH. I can't understand why I did that. I would never have intentionally hurt her, yet I feel like I just let her go. I had an uncertain feeling, but didn't follow through. I can't get past this. I'm attending a Pet Loss Support group which I've found to be somewhat helpful. Have made a couple friends there who are very kind but I sometimes wonder if they must think I'm just an awful person.

It hurts so much to see my dog's photos; she always looked so human. I see her face looking at me and feel I let her down so badly. I can't have her back now. How could I let her slip away?

[ann]

I'm so sorry you lost your Patsy. Please don't feel guilty. I know easier said than done. I don't think there is anyone here who hasn't felt it at one time or another. You mentioned in your post about you catching grief from your spouse about vet bills. You felt it had influence on you. Also you were concerned about the juice and what the others may think. And you said your marriage seem strained. That is a lot on your plate. I feel you did the best you could with Patsy. You got her help, meds, tested. You know what would be so great, if they could just tell us. When our Arthur came home hurt that day, my partner Dave didn't know what to do. He was so afraid to pick him up. By the time I got there and took him to the hospital 7hrs had passed. The guilt ripped him apart for not taking him in sooner and just watched him in pain. When he got there he was in shock. It didn't matter, his damage was to severe to fix. How could any of us really know how truely sick they are. Arthur wasn't feeling well one day so I took him to the vet. Dave made a comment about me taking him in every time he sneezes, and what people say to us sticks in the back of our minds. I'm thinking, oh god, food poisiong, he's thinking nothing. I think you did your best, from what I've read the vet nor the hospital didn't seem too concern at first, so really, how were you to know. I try to look upon these life events as learning lessons for the next time around. I know all too well how tightly guilt grips us. There have been many here who have posted links about that very subject. I try to read as many as I can. I hope they will help heal. My thoughts are with you.. Hugs.. Ann

[hope2heal]

Thank you for writing, Ann.

I'm so sorry to hear about Arthur. That must have been a horrible experience. Similarly to you, my hubby always thought I overreacted with my dog. In the last couple weeks, my gut was telling me something wasn't right, but I ignored it.

Just don't know if I'll ever get past this. Thanks for caring enough to write.