Don't Know Which End Is Up, feeling like a sinking ship Options

[ann]

Hi All, Not sure where to post this or even if I should. But I need to vent a little I guess. Today I decided to stop by the PetCo store. They were having a feline rescue adotion program going on. Not that I was going to, just wanted to see how I felt about seeing some kitties. Didn't do well. Walked out of the store bawling, and continued all the way down Rt 114 in traffic. Missing my Arthur so BADLY!!. Well, I told Dave about it. He said (sarcasticlly) Did you start crying? Of course, I said. I said I guess I'm not ready yet. He shook his head. I said what does that mean, you don't want another cat? He said absolutely not, Arthur dying was too heartbreaking and I don't ever want to go thru that again. Not that it surprises me. Maybe in time he'll feel differently. I said there was a kitten there that reminded me of Arthur and he was all inquisitive about him.....Earlier in the day I noticed Piper had climbed the tree and gotten onto the garage roof and wouldn't come down. I'd hope she come down on her own. My 85 yr old Father who lives with me got up on the ladder, onto the roof and got her down. This is a man who trips on his own feet.(I left for work and didn't see it) He never wanted Piper and was pushing my brother to take her back. They didn't want her anymore and dumped her on us(like they do with a lot of their stuff) anyways, he's so convinced she got chased by a fox(one chased her up a tree last year)that now he wants to get rid of her too. I like the cat. I think she was curious about the gutters we had put on the other day. I don't want to leave her in the house all day, I don't want him climbing ladders, and most of all I don't want to get rid of her. I'm a cat lover that can't have or enjoy them without someone around me complaining. I'm just very distraught right now. No one around me is taking any consideration of how I'm feeling right now and it's pissing me off. I ALAWYS accomodate everyone even if I don't like it just to keep the peace. I'v always been that way. The minute I put my foot down I get crap from people. I really didn't need Piper's little episode today. She's not a smart cat and probably will do it again. Unless I tell him to get someone down here to cut the tree. Maybe I'll suggest that.. sorry people. I'm just so tired of being depressed and heartbroken and faking it all day. No resposnse needed just needed to vent a little(well alot)..Thanks.. Ann

[Bubba]

Hey Ann-------Yep------even those close to you start to not "get it" and seemingly are able to move on.personally I have decided to not bring up the subject of my babies' passing to ANYONE anymore.It's useless AND the depression really does make one tired.So I say SCREW em all and carry your baby (literally,yes I AM NUTS) with you and start subtracting the days till you meet again at the BRIDGE.It is OUT of our hands.Keep to yourself as there is no human (except here on the forum) who will ever understand.Not to be morbid but start to accept and get comfortable with your own death.THAT is reality AND the only way to ever see our babies again.I'm not saying I want to go anytime soon but I am picking out luggage for when the train arrives sometime down the line.My weird thinking on this subject helps take a tiny bit of the indescribable grief away and gives me a realistic goal.All this B.S. is impermanent.you know stuff:houses,cars, clothes,bigger houses for more stuff,stereos,shoping mall-useless sales...........ALL IMPERMANENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! When you finally see your baby again.....PERMANENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Bring PLENTY of Kitty litter.......your gonna be there awhile..................I hope my psychotic ranting helped-----Its how I cope---------PEACE and LIGHT...Bubba..........................