Chloe, Why cant I seem to get past this? Options

[mickimom]

On Tuesday, August 11th my dog Chloe ran off. She was a 15lb Boston Terrier who I had raised from a 6 week old puppy, she would have been 4 in October. She was very spoiled and somewhat of a princess. She would go outside with me and follow me around, I would never leave her alone outside but at times she would play her little game of watching me until I came close and then not letting me catch her.
This day I was working and she was home with my boyfriend who she loved. She decided to play her little game, but kept running.....he ran after her, and when he came back to get the car to follow her, she had disappeared.
I was devistated....
My mom had always told me to put her on a leash when outside but she really never needed it, preferring to follow me around. I guess I was wrong....
She had a tag on her collar with my name, address and phone number on it, and every day I hoped I would get a call that someone found her. I also drove the areas around our house and put adds in the paper, even filling out a lost dog form with the animal shelter just in case, not sure if the tag could have fallen off her collar....
On August 30th I finally got that call.....a call from a man saying he found my dog and she was in bad shape....
Not knowing what to expect, I went right over, and found she had wandered 15-20 miles from home..
When I got there and saw her I immediately started crying, my little healthy dog was so skinny you could see all of her bones.
I picked her up, and brought her home figuring she just needed love and some food and she would be ok, she didnt seem to have any scratches, or look like she had been hurt, just very skinny and lethargic.
She refused to eat anything, would only drink water, which didnt sit well. After a few hours it didnt seem like she was getting better, she was getting worse, very limp and hardly moving.
My boyfriend and I got in the car to take her to the emergency vet hospital which was 45 minutes away...she didnt make it to the end of the street and died while I was holding her.
Since then, I have cried every day and I am having a hard time getting past seeing her the way she was that day.
I wonder every day what her 11 days away was like and how she must have suffered because of our stupidity of not putting her on a leash and not being able to find her.
I loved her and my heart breaks every day thinking about what a happy little dog she was and how horrible her last days were.
My boyfriend says the reason I got her back that day is because she was waiting for me, like she knew things were bad and needed me....
I dont know how to get past this, its like losing a family member and I just want her back.
I know people mean well but their solution is "get a puppy"....I dont want a puppy, I want my Chloe back, another puppy will not help...
Thanks for listening....

[mickimom]

I sit here and cry reading all of your replies and knowing the support I have here. I cry every single day over her and wonder when it will get easier...
I think about her kissing me, she would climb in your lap and just kiss your face, and curl up in your legs on the couch...her favorite place...
We have a rabbit and she and the rabbit would chase each other all over the room, it was so funny...
Im really glad I came here where people understand....
People think "its only a dog/cat" but its a big deal to those of us who treat them as our babies....animals are so forgiving and love you unconditionally....something that is hard to find.
They just love you no matter what....she always had to be where I was, and when I was at work, she was always with D.J.
I joked with him about her being a traitor...he hurt his back at work so was at home with her all day, but she loved both of us.....
I just wish I could stop feeling so guilty about it all, and get the image of her in such bad shape out of my head...
I always made sure she was healthy and ate twice a day, she knew what times she ate and would wait for me.....but she went all that time without food.....I cant stop thinking about that....
I just hope she knew, even on that last day how much I loved her....