Last Little Blanket, Just picked it up Options

[geese]

Tonight hit me like a ton of bricks.... It'll be 4 weeks tomorrow that my little man is gone, and it took me this long to clean up the stupid mess I left lying around since then. I had this little blanket which I laid him on, of course on top of some hefty bags, because he couldn't hold his own pee, and I just left it there since then. I couldn't bring myself to touch it, because it kind of made me feel like a part of him was still there, but an empty space, of course.

Well, needless to say, this broke my heart, and although I have been doing better (or so I thought) I just burst into tears all over again. He's really gone, ..... really gone. God, why does this hurt so much?? I know that it takes time to get over our losses, but the hurt just sucks.....

Anyway, I guess you guys all are going through, or have went through my same feelings.

Just wanted to vent, to some friends that understand. Thanks to you all who read this and are there for me. Much love to all.

Geese

[oliver's mama]

oliver's makeshift bed (a blanket, towel and heating pad) is sitting rolled up in my closet. i don't know why, i suppose it represents our goodbye, i may never undo it. i did the laundry about 2 weeks after he was gone and i wish i would have picked at and kept the hair i knew was his. i have read countless threads where people keep all the little things and wish i would have seen ahead enough to keep just one puff of the times i brushed him.

4 weeks into it is still very new. it takes a few months to even accept the new life you have. i am 13 or so weeks into mine and had a terrible time just last weekend, and still have a very long way to go. i remember all too well the hurt only a month in, there are many bumps along the way. it will get better, if only because those bad times spread themselves out more and more.