My Chihuahua Marilyn, I miss her so much Options

[meens]

Hello there

I hope no one minds me posting, I am from the UK so I don't know what time this will reach people in the States. I have read all the posts on here since last Monday, when I had to put my baby girl to sleep. I have cried along with you and have only just got the courage to post something myself. Putting her to sleep was the hardest thing I have had to do in my life, and I have been through some tough times. I can't stop crying and I feel so alone. Marilyn was one of two sister chis that I have had since they were weeks old. She was 15, would have been 16 on 1 October. She was beautiful, the sweetest and most caring little dog. She was with me through relationship break ups, several house moves because of them and horrible neighbours. In 2005 I lost two babies, in January and July. Marilyn would lie on my tummy when I was pregnant, kissed my tears away when I was sad and was always, always there. Never judging, never saying cruel stuff like so many men have done and not minding when I cried and cried over losing my babies. When I was pregnant she wouldn't let me take a bath alone, she would scratch at the door til I let her in so she could check I was OK. I had to have baths with the door open from then on...

I have spent most of the last 15 years alone, a succession of rubbish relationships meant it was just me and my two girlies. I am sorry for going on and on, I don't even know if this makes sense but i am sobbing so much I can't see properly. Life feels empty, I still have her sister Chi Chi and a rescue dog called Betty but the balance in the house is wrong. Two bowls instead of three, one less dog bed, I am sure you know what I mean. My partner has been really good but I feel I am being such a burden to him. He doesn't really understand and only knew her for just over a year, though he did love her. I am in such a mess, I feel dead inside and my heart is broken. Thank you for reading this, just typing it helps. Any advice as to what to do to stop the pain, or when it gets better would be so appreciated. Thank you for taking the time to read this everyone and I am sorry for your losses too. Hal, I read all your posts and was in bits, you wrote so beautifully and I could totally relate to what you went through. Thank you once again - meens xx

[moon_beam]

Hi, meens, thank you so much for sharing how your day has been for you. Getting your furbaby's ashes back is comforting, although it's not anything like having Marilyn's sweet precious living body to hold and be by your side. It seems the first week or so we're in a state of shock, and when that starts to wear off reality begins to sink in, and then when we get the ashes back - - our hearts know for sure that the sweet life we had before has changed forever. How very special about the rainbows - - Marilyn letting you know she is safe at the Bridge, and the double rainbow - - wow - - Marilyn letting you know that she is still with you. Have you thought about doing a memorial for Marilyn - - like a scrapbook or making a donation to your local rescue shelter in Marilyn's honor and memory? I know this may be too soon to think about, but as you begin to feel stronger through the coming days and weeks, it's just a thought. When my Eli, and previous furkids, passed, I did a Memorial Booklet for each of them and made copies for our vets and vet techs. It took me a long time to do them, but I found them to be very healing and the vets and vet techs really appreciated them. Just take it one day at a time, meens, and please know we are here for you.

Peace and blessings,

moon_beam

[meens]

Hi, meens, thank you so much for sharing how your day has been for you. Getting your furbaby's ashes back is comforting, although it's not anything like having Marilyn's sweet precious living body to hold and be by your side. It seems the first week or so we're in a state of shock, and when that starts to wear off reality begins to sink in, and then when we get the ashes back - - our hearts know for sure that the sweet life we had before has changed forever. How very special about the rainbows - - Marilyn letting you know she is safe at the Bridge, and the double rainbow - - wow - - Marilyn letting you know that she is still with you. Have you thought about doing a memorial for Marilyn - - like a scrapbook or making a donation to your local rescue shelter in Marilyn's honor and memory? I know this may be too soon to think about, but as you begin to feel stronger through the coming days and weeks, it's just a thought. When my Eli, and previous furkids, passed, I did a Memorial Booklet for each of them and made copies for our vets and vet techs. It took me a long time to do them, but I found them to be very healing and the vets and vet techs really appreciated them. Just take it one day at a time, meens, and please know we are here for you.

Peace and blessings,

moon_beam

Thanks moon beam for being there... I did sleep a bit better though there's that few seconds when you wake up and everything seems fine - then you remember and your heart hurts all over again. I lay there for a while just cuddling Betty and Chi and remembering happier times when Marilyn was still around - 15, nearly 16 years is a lot of memories.

You saying about a scrapbook, when my friend's ##er spaniel passed they did a beautiful one for him, I said to her just before she went on holiday I must do one too for Marilyn. Before we had this conversation she left me a card and present to open, I waited until she'd gone and opened it... bless her it was a scrapbook. I was so touched that she thought of it before I even mentioned it. I am not quite strong enough yet to do it, but I will. I may get those friends to write their memories of Marilyn too, they loved her loads too.

I help out a local dog rescue, which is where we got Betty from. I wish I could do more but every little helps. I like to think if I can pass a little bit of the love I had for Marilyn onto those poor babies it will help them a tiny bit.

Thank you again for your kind words, you don't know how much you help me

meens xx