My Chihuahua Marilyn, I miss her so much Options

[meens]

Hello there

I hope no one minds me posting, I am from the UK so I don't know what time this will reach people in the States. I have read all the posts on here since last Monday, when I had to put my baby girl to sleep. I have cried along with you and have only just got the courage to post something myself. Putting her to sleep was the hardest thing I have had to do in my life, and I have been through some tough times. I can't stop crying and I feel so alone. Marilyn was one of two sister chis that I have had since they were weeks old. She was 15, would have been 16 on 1 October. She was beautiful, the sweetest and most caring little dog. She was with me through relationship break ups, several house moves because of them and horrible neighbours. In 2005 I lost two babies, in January and July. Marilyn would lie on my tummy when I was pregnant, kissed my tears away when I was sad and was always, always there. Never judging, never saying cruel stuff like so many men have done and not minding when I cried and cried over losing my babies. When I was pregnant she wouldn't let me take a bath alone, she would scratch at the door til I let her in so she could check I was OK. I had to have baths with the door open from then on...

I have spent most of the last 15 years alone, a succession of rubbish relationships meant it was just me and my two girlies. I am sorry for going on and on, I don't even know if this makes sense but i am sobbing so much I can't see properly. Life feels empty, I still have her sister Chi Chi and a rescue dog called Betty but the balance in the house is wrong. Two bowls instead of three, one less dog bed, I am sure you know what I mean. My partner has been really good but I feel I am being such a burden to him. He doesn't really understand and only knew her for just over a year, though he did love her. I am in such a mess, I feel dead inside and my heart is broken. Thank you for reading this, just typing it helps. Any advice as to what to do to stop the pain, or when it gets better would be so appreciated. Thank you for taking the time to read this everyone and I am sorry for your losses too. Hal, I read all your posts and was in bits, you wrote so beautifully and I could totally relate to what you went through. Thank you once again - meens xx

[Steph]

I think the first week we are wandering around in shock and disbelief. The second week it really hits home, and all of the things that won't happen anymore start to sink in. I found both weeks hellish for different reasons.
I'm now halfway through week three, and overall I'm more bitchy, but am back into my routines. Sometimes I just stop and start crying again though.

Meens, your gang is so adorable!!!

[meens]

I think the first week we are wandering around in shock and disbelief. The second week it really hits home, and all of the things that won't happen anymore start to sink in. I found both weeks hellish for different reasons.
I'm now halfway through week three, and overall I'm more bitchy, but am back into my routines. Sometimes I just stop and start crying again though.

Meens, your gang is so adorable!!!

Aw thank you Steph, I never posted pics of my girlies on the internet before, its nice to get such lovely comments off people. I can't really call them a gang anymore - I guess two isn't quite a gang - but I am blessed to have them and their funny ways.

I find it hard to believe you could be bitchy Steph, anyone that takes the time to write back to me going on and on is surely an angel! You hit the nail on the head re the first and second week. I really didn't want to go to work today but they are a caring, if not pet owning, bunch and it makes me feel slightly more useful and "part of it" if that makes sense.

I know I am new here but I am here for you if you ever need to vent or just need a shoulder.

Take care - meens xx