We Lost Tony Options

[Alienz]

I am so sad. We were away for a week. We came home Tuesday night and Tony was fine. He was very happy to see us. All day Wednesday he was close by, purring because we were home. But on Thursday morning he was missing. He is always around in the morning waiting for us to get up so we knew something was wrong. I found him under the stairs. When I persuaded him to come out his back leg was dragging.

I rushed him to the vets and the vet recommended putting him to sleep.

I am heart broken. I had my girls with me (8 & 11). I called them in to the exam room to say goodbye and they both burst out crying. It was so hard. I couldn't stay to see Tony put down. I have read about a lot of you staying for the injection but I couldn't watch him die.

I am filled with guilt. Tony was 7 years old when we adopted him from the SPCA. We have only had him with us for two and a half years. I thought we'd have him for years and years. It is such a shock. I have searched through all our pictures and realised that except for when we first brought him home we only have a couple of pictures. I guess I thought he'd be here for a long time and now I am so sad that he is gone.

For the first few days I tried to be strong for the girls but now they seem to be doing much better but I don't seem to be managing very well. I keep crying and I am having trouble sleeping.

I had a special bond with Tony. He chose me when we met at the SPCA. I had met about 50 cats over several weekends, but when Tony saw me he came over and started purring. I felt like he picked me. He always favoured me at home. I was the only person he would sit on. He loved the girls too but would never settle on their laps. He loved being near me and now I feel so terrible that I pushed him away sometimes. Even on Tuesday night when he wanted to sit with me I pushed him off because his claws were really sharp. I trimmed them the next morning and spent some time with him. But if only I had know that it was my last day with him...

When will it feel better???

Thanks for listening.

Ali.

[LoveThem]

Ali,

I see no reason to feel any guilt. I am so very sorry it was time for Tony to leave you.

Something I see in your first post..the love I see running through your words....remember
something....you said Tony was 7 years old and you only had him 2 1/2 years of that time.

I would be willing to bet that you gave him the best 2 1/2 years of love and home than anyone ever did. If that was to be his last amount of time...he picked the perfect person at the SPCA
to spend it with.

Grieving is very hard. I get through it with the thought that these beautiful treasures have a time they are to leave us and when that time truly comes....we can do nothing to stop it. But when we remember that every day they were a part of our lives was a wonderful time for them and for us and all we can do is be grateful for the time we were given. It is never long enough.

It is normal to grieve...knowing them and having them as a part of our lives..how can we not?

This is a good place to talk about your thoughts and feelings. Some here will write a letter to their special one...a way of "talking" to them again.

I lost my last of 3, Little Guy, last September and in December I had a kitty pick me out at my SPCA, and I named him Lucky. Knowing that by giving him a home (as you did with Tony), my SPCA has room to rescue a new one..so it is like 2 lives are saved by my special boy being taken away from me.

I know about shock and sudden. Even though I have had others taken over the years, my Little Guy was my first emergency and I had no choice in making the decision immediately. There is something different when there is a suddenness and a shock not anticipated as it happened.

But, yes you can come here and talk. Come back and post here to your topic as often as you feel like it..we are listening and know where to find you here.

Hugs...

Judy