We Lost Tony Options

[Alienz]

I am so sad. We were away for a week. We came home Tuesday night and Tony was fine. He was very happy to see us. All day Wednesday he was close by, purring because we were home. But on Thursday morning he was missing. He is always around in the morning waiting for us to get up so we knew something was wrong. I found him under the stairs. When I persuaded him to come out his back leg was dragging.

I rushed him to the vets and the vet recommended putting him to sleep.

I am heart broken. I had my girls with me (8 & 11). I called them in to the exam room to say goodbye and they both burst out crying. It was so hard. I couldn't stay to see Tony put down. I have read about a lot of you staying for the injection but I couldn't watch him die.

I am filled with guilt. Tony was 7 years old when we adopted him from the SPCA. We have only had him with us for two and a half years. I thought we'd have him for years and years. It is such a shock. I have searched through all our pictures and realised that except for when we first brought him home we only have a couple of pictures. I guess I thought he'd be here for a long time and now I am so sad that he is gone.

For the first few days I tried to be strong for the girls but now they seem to be doing much better but I don't seem to be managing very well. I keep crying and I am having trouble sleeping.

I had a special bond with Tony. He chose me when we met at the SPCA. I had met about 50 cats over several weekends, but when Tony saw me he came over and started purring. I felt like he picked me. He always favoured me at home. I was the only person he would sit on. He loved the girls too but would never settle on their laps. He loved being near me and now I feel so terrible that I pushed him away sometimes. Even on Tuesday night when he wanted to sit with me I pushed him off because his claws were really sharp. I trimmed them the next morning and spent some time with him. But if only I had know that it was my last day with him...

When will it feel better???

Thanks for listening.

Ali.

[moon_beam]

Hi, Ali, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved Tony. Losing a beloved furchild is one of the most devastating experiences we can have. Euthanasia is comparable to having to decide to stop life support for a loved human family member or friend. It is never an easy decision to make, but it is the last gift of love we can give to our furkids - - at great sacrifice to us - - so that they can go home to the angels healed with their dignity intact. Children grieve differently from adults, so even though your girls "appear" to be adjusting, you may want to talk to them occasionally about the loss of Tony and how they're doing. It is strictly a personal decision whether or not to stay for the procedure. When I was much younger I had a kitty that needed to be euthanized, - - my first experience of this nature. My mom loved my kitty, too, and went with me to the vet's office, but she could not bear to stay in the room during the procedure, and I couldn't bear to leave my kitty while the procedure was done. So, there is no "right" or "wrong" in this very difficult and emotional time of grief. Also, guilt is a normal part of the grieving - - the "why didn't I's", "what if", "if only", etc., can be very consuming right now, but hopefully in time you will come to understand that you always gave Tony your love and attention, and the guilt you are now feeling will be replaced with a peace in your heart so that you can enjoy the wonderful memories you have of him. Tony does not want you feeling guilty because guilt will rob you of the joy you carry in your heart and memory of him. This grief journey is a one day at a time journey, Ali. Some days will be easier than others. The first hour, the first day, the first week, the first month, the first birthday, the first of whatever are the hardest because it brings to mind that "Tony used to be here." But I assure you that one day when you least expect it you will find yourself thinking of Tony and find yourself smiling, and then you will know that he really hasn't left you - - his sweet living Spirit is still with you as it has always been. Even though he is no longer physically with you, your relationship with him has only temporarily changed to a different dimension. Tony is alive and playing with the angels in heaven's perfect garden, and someday you will see him again. But until then, there is this painful adjustment to not having him settle into your lap and the comfort of listening to his purr. Please know you are not alone in your grief journey, Ali. We are here for you for as long as you need us.

Peace and blessings,

moon_beam