My Chihuahua Marilyn, I miss her so much Options

[meens]

Hello there

I hope no one minds me posting, I am from the UK so I don't know what time this will reach people in the States. I have read all the posts on here since last Monday, when I had to put my baby girl to sleep. I have cried along with you and have only just got the courage to post something myself. Putting her to sleep was the hardest thing I have had to do in my life, and I have been through some tough times. I can't stop crying and I feel so alone. Marilyn was one of two sister chis that I have had since they were weeks old. She was 15, would have been 16 on 1 October. She was beautiful, the sweetest and most caring little dog. She was with me through relationship break ups, several house moves because of them and horrible neighbours. In 2005 I lost two babies, in January and July. Marilyn would lie on my tummy when I was pregnant, kissed my tears away when I was sad and was always, always there. Never judging, never saying cruel stuff like so many men have done and not minding when I cried and cried over losing my babies. When I was pregnant she wouldn't let me take a bath alone, she would scratch at the door til I let her in so she could check I was OK. I had to have baths with the door open from then on...

I have spent most of the last 15 years alone, a succession of rubbish relationships meant it was just me and my two girlies. I am sorry for going on and on, I don't even know if this makes sense but i am sobbing so much I can't see properly. Life feels empty, I still have her sister Chi Chi and a rescue dog called Betty but the balance in the house is wrong. Two bowls instead of three, one less dog bed, I am sure you know what I mean. My partner has been really good but I feel I am being such a burden to him. He doesn't really understand and only knew her for just over a year, though he did love her. I am in such a mess, I feel dead inside and my heart is broken. Thank you for reading this, just typing it helps. Any advice as to what to do to stop the pain, or when it gets better would be so appreciated. Thank you for taking the time to read this everyone and I am sorry for your losses too. Hal, I read all your posts and was in bits, you wrote so beautifully and I could totally relate to what you went through. Thank you once again - meens xx

[LoveThem]

I am so sorry for your loss. It is the hardest decision we ever make and while we know it is right for them, that doesn't make it hurt any less for us. When I made the decision in the emergency room about my Little Guy, I just broke down and cried hysterically...which is the reason I can't be present with them. But I am only a few feet away.

The more recent the loss, the more intense and devastating is the pain. And although we share the same pain..people can handle their grief differently. Maybe that is why your boyfriend does what he does...it is his way of coping...and, he doesn't know how to make you feel better...maybe because he realizes that just can't happen anytime soon..there is too much pain.

All the pain and crying and feelings that grief produces are very normal. My boy was with me for over 16 years..in fact he was born in my backyard in 1991 to a feral cat. So I am all he has ever known and he was a very big part of my life.

Everything is so overwhelming at first...the crying, the pain, missing them so much it physically hurts...this again is all normal.
We try to do what makes us feel better to do...whether it is crying or venting our thoughts and feelings...and that is why this forum is so good to vent thoughts and feelings...because whatever you say is understood here by the people who really care.

You have started your thoughts here in your topic. Please keep posting here so we know where to find you and respond back.
When you are ready, maybe you could post a picture of your baby. Pictures eventually are what make us smile again..when we remember that the picture was a good memory in time. But at the beginning...sometimes all we can do is cry and cry again until we are exhausted.

It takes time to help fade a lot of the sadness in the background and allow us to go on with a normal life...or as normal as it can be without our very special one. I'm glad you have other furbabies to hug....that does help. There is no substitute for Marilyn but when we have other ones looking at us, not understanding what happened but knowing that something did happen,
it can help to hug them when we cry.

The pain will never go away completely but in time it is less intense. Even then...we can have a day it overwhelms us again..and we deal with it the best we can. The pain is missing them and since we will never stop missing them...we can never completely get rid of the pain. But time helps us heal the best we can.

I wish you peace and healing. Post here your thoughts and feelings. You can even write a letter here to Marilyn, it is a way of talking to her (many of us have done that).

Take Care...and know here you will never be alone.

Judy