My Heart Is Aching For All Of You, And For Myself, Losing all of my loves Options

[mosmommy]

I guess most of you have not heard from me before, and the rest of you haven't seen any posts from me in a long while.
I haven't felt like sharing any thoughts or pain lately.

On May 21, 2008- I lost my mouse Gordon. The only comfort was that he was not just my furkid, but he was a huge part of the nature program that I worked on last summer, and for over 9 weeks last summer, he touched hundreds of children. He was their favorite animal in the room. ( We also had a snake, a small lizard, 2 toads, 2 crayfish, a red-eared slider turtle, a rabbit, and a few local fish). All were used for educational and compassionate teachings, and all were released back into the wild with the exception of the lizard and rabbit who were adopted, and the turtle and Gordon. I know Gordon served a great purpose, and he also visited a local elementary science club that I did some volunteer presentations for in the fall of '07. The children loved him as much as I did. Mice can have short life spans, but he accomplished a lot in his.

I lost my beloved 15 1/2 year old cat, Rufus on March 1, 2008, and that has been very painful. I raised him form a kitten, and he slept with me all of the time, even during short "cat" naps. I still find it hard to wake up and not have him here.

Now a quick bit of background, I have lost 23 furry children, 8 close humans, and a few acquaintances- all since May 2004.
I am not sure how I still get up everyday, but I keep on trying.

I am so sorry for those of you with recent and painful loss(es) to handle, I do know how hard it is. I honestly cannot say that it gets easier, but the memories do get better.

Thank you to any and all who read this topic.

Peace, Love, and Prayers,
Michelle

This is my Rufus...

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[Furkidlets' Mom]

Oh, my goodness, Michelle! I'm coming in very late in your thread (overloaded with my own things in the last few months, so haven't been here much, unfortunately), but had been deliberately, I'm sure, 'directed' to it late last night......by my girl, Nissa (see next paragraph). So to begin....

While of course it's good to connect with you once again here, naturally I'm SO very sorry about the WHY of it. ***sigh*** Learning of yet more (!!) losses you've had in the last while is so darn heartbreaking! (also couldn't help but notice the number of your losses....23....one of my Nissa's particular "numbers") Once again and as always, your inner strength impresses the heck outta me...yes, even if you don't FEEL strong. How you do manage to keep going is still beyond me, as I've yet to meet anyone else who has had to process so terribly MANY losses in only 4 years. Back to those in a sec....

But having your thread interrupted in the way it was, on top of your grief......let's just say I'm DOUBLY sorry for you after having to suffer through that, too. You should not have had to explain or expound upon your thoroughly compassionate perspective towards all creatures, especially in a place like this. And I agree wholeheartedly with your assessment of this whole kerfuffle.....and obviously don't agree with Ken's stance on "wild" versus "pets" treatment in any case. Those are terms we CHOOSE, only to objectify and justify. They are only constructs in our minds and nothing more.

I know you want to redirect your thread back to its original intent, but since you've been subjected to this other angst, I also wanted to lend you support in that area, too, so I will mention just a few points:

I, too, have had to 'de-mousie' our garage once, using humane traps and relocation to an area farther away. It took some patience, but I never would have resorted to kill traps.....or guns, if they'd been some larger type of creature. As you've implied, using our creativity and imagination to solve such dilemmas in a more humane manner is what I believe to be truly "superior" thinking and moral judgment. All that other type of justification reminds me of a particular quote: "Whenever people say 'We mustn't be sentimental,' you can take it they are about to do something cruel. And if they add 'We must be realistic,' they mean they are going to make money out of it." ~ Brigid Brophy. To claim a need for killing under the guise of "this is just the way it is" is just another excuse to never attempt to evolve past that solely-human butt-ended thinking. It also used to be "just the way it (was)" to own slaves, not allow women to vote, beat the wife and kids, etc. The human race is abominably slow to 'update' its thinking, but change it needs to if we're ALL to survive, as the Whole Being that We are. This is also why I've always said that it's often wise to use some discrimination in who you would support and who you'd rather not...here, there and everywhere. As my H and I have come to always say when things like this arise...."Well, at least we KNOW now....." (and at some later, less grief-stricken time, you might wish to check out this animal quotations webpage, which lends further support to your perspectives - Quote Garden.)

Now, back to lending support and empathy for your grief, over both your dear Gordon and Rufus!

First off, oh my...both Gordon and Rufus were simply BEAUTIFUL, both in their physical forms and in their souls! What a wonderful legacy they've both left, and in the case of Gordon, not just for you and your family, but to the world-at-large. Well, they ALL do this, indirectly, of course, but I'm talking about Gordon's classroom teachings. I'm also sure he's gone on to even bigger soul projects to help his/our fellow animal nations. You must be very, very proud of him and all he accomplished in his too-short time here. I know I would be. You have my utter respect, empathy and sympathy for his passing.....like my Nissa-girl, such a BIG soul in such a tiny, compact package......he's certainly gone far beyond his physical form and taught so many so much that NEEDS teaching.

I was also so distressed for and with you to hear about your dear Rufus' passing this last March, and can fully understand how empty it feels to not have your nap and beddie-bye boy there with you now....when you need that kind of support and love the very most! I STILL can't sleep w/o my cat stuffie, and that, of course, isn't anywhere adequate enough to begin with. I just ask my girl to actually 'get inside' that stuffie in order to feel my kisses, cuddles and love emanating through it, to HER actual essence...I suspect it works, and it certainly helps ME out some.

It's just never enough time, is it?, to be with our beloved ones here on this plane. I, too, have had many losses and traumas (including but not limited to death, but all valid and giving rise to grief) since mainly that same year ('04). It's just so, so hard to cope with too many all at once, so to speak. I consider my own bad and hard enough to contend with, and so just as I'd said, to have 23 and still even be STANDING!......you must be ever so exhausted and beaten up/down by that much sorrow. My heart just bleeds for you.

You're a priceless and dear soul, Michelle, and so it's no small wonder at all to me why so many beings have deliberately put themselves right in your path, helping you to expand and spread the word on WHY they are just as priceless and inherently valuable in their own right. (to me, a total "DUH!", but to others???.....) Your tears over them (all) are a testament to what Universal Love includes, and I salute you for it, despite the terrible pain (both entirely personal and more earthly) I know you must live with daily. Know that Gordon and Rufus, and all your other loves both transitioned and not, are wholly grateful for having you in their lives (and soul groups), too. And know they still are, just more invisibly. What would any of you have done without the others? But, as a fellow griever, I'm just so awfully sorry anyway....

Holding you in sympathetic thoughts and wishing you both the gift of peace and a well-needed break in so much loss ,

Nissa and Sabin's Mom

P.S. I'll be away again soon for awhile (a mini-vacation), but will try to catch up to your thread as I can, possibly even before we leave.
P.P.S. I've just read the newer post by Admin. (hidden while I was typing), but will leave my own post as it stands and let you, Michelle, and Marc decide what to do with it.