My Girl Monkey, (p.s. not really a monkey..........ok, kinda) Options

[Monkey's daddy]

Life sure doesn't feel the same anymore, it feels very empty now. It's just completely different since Monkey's gone.

When I first moved into the new house in Aug'07 I was so proud of it. It was new and perfect and I would get bent if I found a little smudge on the new walls. Now you should see the place. I vacuumed for the first time last week since Monkey passed in March. I've broken 2 or 3 doors, there are at least 2 holes in the drywall. I kicked my car door open and bent the hinges on it. I sometimes get mad over what happened as you can tell. Well, they are just meaningless possessions. I was proud of them but they never mattered as much as a precious life, not even close. I really bought the house for the cats, I was thinking of them when I saw the layout and yard and such. Now I don't care. I probably could level the place but I realize I must maintain somewhat.

I never would have thought that the vets could be so stupid. It was always "its possible that it's this" and "its possible that it's that" and "it could be this or this".
Why don't you just say you don't know moron!! It's like going into a store to find something and you ask a salesperson where it is, and they don't know, and they start wandering around looking for it, and you're following them, and you're like "I can wander around lost on my own but you want me to follow you and you're lost". Or more like, you find out more on your own than the stupid vet even knows, and he's the "professional" or "doctor".

All right, I'm getting upset and starting to rant and rave. I just can't believe EVERYTHING could go wrong. I mean, even Murphy's Law says that if "something" can go wrong it will, not "everything".

Some examples are:

Mis-diagnosis
Missed diagnosis
I care until the treatments are done and I have all your money
Under medicating
Improper treatment
under treatment

AHHHHHHHH. I could scream.
I need something to break before I start crying. (A certain vets neck would be nice)

[Monkey's daddy]

Well, it's been almost 4 months now and I don't feel any different or better, not that I thought I would.
I still haven't picked up Monkey's ashes, I don't even like to say those words. I've been to the place twice and just sat in the parking lot and couldn't get up the nerve to go in. I hear everone say how it brings them comfort to have their baby home again, but I know there will be no comfort in it for me.

I once asked them to mail them to me, but after I hung up and though about it, it didn't feel right, and I called back and canceled. I could just see them getting lost in the mail or something rediculous happening and I would never forgive myself.

I may try next week to get them, but even if I do, I will put them up somewhere out of site. I don't think I'll ever be able to look at them.
I couldn't be in the room when they euthanized her, I broke down and chickened out and couldn't see her at the cremation, and I don't want to look at a pile of ashes. I want to remember her the way she was, before all the bs.
I remember when my dad died I had a chance to view him before his cremation, I told them no, I wanted to remember him alive, not laying on a slab. I still don't regret it.
I don't know. That's just me though. I guess everbody is different.