Lost The Love Of My Life, ZOE Options

[Deanna]

HELLO PET LOVERS
I am new to this ~ I posted this story on the "new beginning" forum instead of the death & dying pet support forum.
Although, there were a few who noticed and helped me tremendously, especially, Goliath, Myhrtisbrkn, Sissycat & Jorge.
Thanks to you guys, I'm able to function another day, although my heart hurts ...I miss my lil' punkin' pie, Zoe.

I AM HURTING TO WHERE IT'S ALMOST UNBEARABLE. I NEED SOME SUPPORT ON HOW TO DEAL WITH MY LOSS.

I GREW UP WITH NO DESIRE TO HAVE A PET OF ANY KIND, HOWEVER, TWO YEARS AGO, A CO-WORKER OFFERED ME THE MOST ADORABLE WESTIE (PUPPY) THAT I HAD EVER SEEN. TO MAKE A LONG STORY SHORT, I FELL COMPLETELY IN LOVE WITH THIS DOG (NAMED ZOE), I LOVED HER MORE THAN ANYONE IN MY LIFE ...SHE WAS MY SHADOW. SHE SLEPT WITH ME, WOKE UP WITH ME, WE PLAYED TOGETHER IN THE MORNINGS IN BETWEEN ME TRYING TO GET MYSELF READY FOR WORK, I LIVE CLOSE TO WORK, I'D COME HOME AND PLAY AND WE'D HAVE LUNCH TOGETHER ...I CAME HOME TO HER AFTER WORK SEEING HER JUMPING UP N' DOWN AT MY FRONT DOOR...ONCE I GOT IN...SHE JUMPED UP AND DOWN ON MY LEG UNTIL I PICKED HER UP (IN WHICH I DID ALMOST IMMEDIATELY), GAVE HER KISSES, RUBBING HER BACK AS SHE LICKED MY FACE. WE BOTH FELT THE LOVE AND AFFECTION FOR EACH OTHER ALL DAY EVERY DAY. AFTER DINNER, SHE GAVE ME "THE LOOK" THAT IT WAS TIME FOR OUR EVENING WALK. AFTER OUR WALK WE WOULD COME HOME AND RELAX AND PLAY UNTIL IT WAS TIME TO GO TO BED TO WAKE UP TO DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN. I NEED TO MENTION, I HAVE A LOVING HUSBAND AND TWO KIDS, THAT ADORED ZOE AS WELL, BUT NOTHING LIKE I DID. I WAS GUILTY OF GIVING ZOE MORE AFFECTION THAN TO THEM, BUT THEY UNDERSTOOD, THEY KNEW I WAS ATE UP WITH HER.

WELL, ON LAST THURSDAY (JUNE 12TH) OF ALL DAYS ...(MY BIRTHDAY)...ZOE AND I WERE HEADED INTO THE HOUSE AFTER OUR WALK, ( I ALWAYS UNCLIP HER LEASH ONCE WE'RE ON THE PORCH) ... MY NEIGHBOR HOLLORED AT ME THAT SHE NEEDED TO TALK. ZOE AND I WALKED OVER TO HER PORCH...ZOE ALWAYS WOULD STAY IN OUR YARD AND SHE WOULD FOLLOW ME IF I WALKED OVER TO MY NEIGHBOR ...HOWEVER, ZOE SPOTTED A SMALL RABBIT HOPPING IN THE NEXT YARD AND MADE A MAD DASH TO CATCH IT, RUNNING INTO THE STREET AND SHE GOT RUN OVER, SHE WAS KILLED INSTANTLY. I RAN OUT TO THE STREET, PICKED HER UP, LOOKING INTO HER FACE, SAYING HER NAME OVER AND OVER AND KISSING HER, PLEASE DON'T GO...BUT SHE WAS GONE. FROM THAT MOMENT, I CAN'T SLEEP, EAT, OR BARELY FUNCTION TO GO ON WITH MY NORMAL DAILY ROUTINE. MY FAMILY THINKS I SHOULD BE OVER THE DEVASTATION BUT THE ACCIDENT RUNS THROUGH MY MIND A HUNDRED TIMES A DAY. I HAVE ACCEPTED SHES PASSED, WE BURIED HER IN THE BACK YARD, I HAVE HER A BEAUTIFUL MEMORIAL STONE AND FLOWERS WITH HER PICTURE. I LOOK OUT MY WINDOWS OF MY HOUSE AND SEE HER BURIAL SPOT AND IT JUST KILLS ME. SHE WAS SO SPECIAL IN MY LIFE AND I KNOW THERE WILL NEVER BE ANOTHER ZOE. I MISS HER SOOOOO MUCH, I AM CONTINUOUSLY LOOKING FOR HER TO COME AROUND THE CORNER OF ANY ROOM. PULLING UP IN MY DRIVEWAY FROM WORK IS THE ABSOLUTE HARDEST THING NOT SEEING HER ADORABLE LITTLE FACE AT THE DOOR.

I FOUND THIS WEBSITE TO POSSIBLY GET SOME SUPPORT, I WOULD APPRECIATE ANY.
THANKS IN ADVANCE

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[myhrtisbrkn]

Deanna,

Those pictures are just priceless, sleeping on top of your recliner...isn't she sweet. They bring tears to my eyes. It sounds like you have a great family, and Zoe was an important part of it. These little furred ones are so dependent on us, more so than all but the youngest of human kids. And they are so uncomplaining. They are our babies and they remain that all their lives.

Journaling is good. It gives those thoughts, the happy ones and the sad ones, a shape ,and a place to be wher we can set them aside when we need to and come back to them later.

That " it just happened today feeling" comes and goes. Just the other day I really looked at a picture of Mack I'd had stuffed in a book. His beauty was so vivid, his absence so profound...I could smell the candles that were burning that evening when he died in my arms. That was my last moment with my boy...until we meet again.

You continue in my thoughts and prayers,
Dayna