My Girl Monkey, (p.s. not really a monkey..........ok, kinda) Options

[Monkey's daddy]

Life sure doesn't feel the same anymore, it feels very empty now. It's just completely different since Monkey's gone.

When I first moved into the new house in Aug'07 I was so proud of it. It was new and perfect and I would get bent if I found a little smudge on the new walls. Now you should see the place. I vacuumed for the first time last week since Monkey passed in March. I've broken 2 or 3 doors, there are at least 2 holes in the drywall. I kicked my car door open and bent the hinges on it. I sometimes get mad over what happened as you can tell. Well, they are just meaningless possessions. I was proud of them but they never mattered as much as a precious life, not even close. I really bought the house for the cats, I was thinking of them when I saw the layout and yard and such. Now I don't care. I probably could level the place but I realize I must maintain somewhat.

I never would have thought that the vets could be so stupid. It was always "its possible that it's this" and "its possible that it's that" and "it could be this or this".
Why don't you just say you don't know moron!! It's like going into a store to find something and you ask a salesperson where it is, and they don't know, and they start wandering around looking for it, and you're following them, and you're like "I can wander around lost on my own but you want me to follow you and you're lost". Or more like, you find out more on your own than the stupid vet even knows, and he's the "professional" or "doctor".

All right, I'm getting upset and starting to rant and rave. I just can't believe EVERYTHING could go wrong. I mean, even Murphy's Law says that if "something" can go wrong it will, not "everything".

Some examples are:

Mis-diagnosis
Missed diagnosis
I care until the treatments are done and I have all your money
Under medicating
Improper treatment
under treatment

AHHHHHHHH. I could scream.
I need something to break before I start crying. (A certain vets neck would be nice)

[Monkey's daddy]

Hi, F's mom.
Thanks for visiting, I'm glad you liked it. I'm curious, were you able to hear the music? I'm not sure if thats working for everyone or not.
I did have the comments limited to 500 characters, sorry. I changed it to ten thousand so that shouldn't happen again.

Yea those socks are a trip. I still haven't moved them. I feel like it would be losing part of her if I did. I yell at the other cats if they get to close or act like they are going to mess them up, so far they haven't. Crazy, I know, but it is just too much of a coincidence not to be just random. It just feels like it's a part of her there, especially since it happened right after she passed. The other day one of my other cats layed down behind the socks in the EXACT same position, on his side, head on an arm. I mean, it looked identical to the socks. I tried to sneak off and get my camera but he saw me and lifted his head up. I sat there with the camera for a minute hoping he would lay his head back down, but he didn't, he got up. Damn. That would have been a great shot.

I think when I saw the communicator I just showed her the picture and asked what she thought, it's been a while though. Overall though, i wasn't very impressed with her. I do have an appointment with another lady this week. She's supposed to be real good. I guess the first lady I saw trained with the lady I'm going to see. She's got a cool site. It's medicinehorsewoman.com
Hopefully that will be a better experience. Not that the last one was that bad, she just didn't seem very "tuned in" I guess.

Yes, it was also a rare site to see Monkey with a "snakey" in her mouth. She always did it when I was either asleep or downstairs. Sometime I'd come upstairs and there would be a half-dozen socks all around. It was funny to see her with one in her mouth, head help up high so as not to trip over the thing. She was so funny. The only time she meowed when she had one would be at night. She usually would drag it alllllll the way to the basement from the second floor and just start meowing in rapid succesion. Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. So I'd have to get up and take it away from her if I was going to get any sleep. You know, I never once then thought about someday this would be all I have left of her. Memories. I don't know, I guess you just think they are going to be around forever sometimes.

Ahh, anger. Lots of anger. Put 2 more holes in the walls this week. The new house is starting to look old real quick. Thank God I'm exercising SOME control or who knows how trashed the place would be. I don't see things ever getting any better or easier. As long as she's gone whats going to be any different? It's amazing how much things have changed. It's like now I can see where the best days of my life ended and now I'm just alive. Now all I can do is look back and think about the good ol' days and would give anything to go back there. Yesterday, when Monkey was alive, my dad was alive, and I was younger. Today, just another day that I wish would hurry up and be over with so I can be one day closer to this all being over with. Thats all I have left. There are no "happy endings" in this life, endings are all bad.

[goliath]

I don't see things ever getting any better or easier. As long as she's gone whats going to be any different? It's amazing how much things have changed. It's like now I can see where the best days of my life ended and now I'm just alive. Now all I can do is look back and think about the good ol' days and would give anything to go back there. Yesterday, when Monkey was alive, my dad was alive, and I was younger. Today, just another day that I wish would hurry up and be over with so I can be one day closer to this all being over with. Thats all I have left. There are no "happy endings" in this life, endings are all bad.

Though your future happiness may seem bleak at this time, please allow yourself just a glimmer of hope that all endings eventually bring a new beginning. Even in death.

I felt much like you after my Goliath passed away so suddenly in my arms. Left in complete despair and agaony, I lost the will to live. Nothing seemed right and I felt absolutely hollow inside. For two months I could feel myself falling deeper and deeper into a dark and lonely place held captive by a dreadful dark oppressive spirt I had never met before. That dark spirit would have liked nothing better than to destroy me and steal all the love I had left in me to share with others. I wasn't about to let anything or anybody take away anything more from me.

The treasure chest of memories I hold in my heart are mine forever. Goliath was a great teacher of love and I paid attention when he taught me. Over time I came to heal just enough to let his sunshine in me and all around me. Though his body has perished, his love goes on and on in all that I touch, see, hear,and feel. Life is good again.

May you find a place of comfort and acceptance again one day. Reach within yourself and you will find that Monkey left you with far more than grief. She was with you here on earth and will continue to be in all you do with each day. One day she will greet you at Heaven's Gate and take you to a place where loves lives forever.

Much love and comfort from my heart to yours,
Beth