I Am Very Lonely Already Options

[havana]

I would like to thank to all of you that take their time to read my notes but now espacially to "goliath" "LoveThem" "myhrtisbrkn" and also "jillster" for you kind words and understanding my pain and desperation.
As you know we Buster and I are alone here in St Louis from New York but before that we were in Miami Florida where he was born 11 years ago. I lost my other half in the North Twin Tower in 9/11 and Buster was at the time about 4 years old and since that age we have been together every since. I have been trying to picture my self all alone {what will I do then?] and for more that I think I have no aswer to that.
Another thing that really bodersme is when the time comes to say goodbye [will I be able to stay with him while is leaving me?] I don't think I will be able to do so, even if afterwards I feel my self as a coward and that I deserted him but I think I will prefer not to have my last vision of him dying I just want to see him and remember him alive always. Sorry had to stop for a few minutes becouse It really breaks me into pieces to see him trying to get rid of something that he thinks is on top of his nose with his two front pads not realizing it's the tumors inside bodering him, then I hugged and told him that I wish I could take those tumors off of him with my own hands and that if I could I would but I can't and told him that I am so so very sorry and he looked at me like it was understanding what I was saying to him, am crying now, bye for now and don't forget about me please, I need you.

[havana]

Hello you all, hope you are ok, just got here from work and let my baby out to our patio for a while came back into the house and we both had dinner, oh boy he's got an appetite! at least am not worry about that 'cause he really loves to eat. I would like to thank you all for your words and Prayers for us, that made us feel welcome and loved [I told him about all of you]. As the time is approching to the day of the appoiment my heart is going faster and faster each time, last night I woke up shaking and thought my heart was going to stop and for a moment also thought this is all and was just a nightmare this is not happening to us but when the reality set in then I understood and went to checked on him and there he was asslep like a baby, like always. Now understand all you went thru before us and am telling you it is not pretty. And yes, I read everyting to him and even I talk to him while driving too [he loves cars]. He knows everything about my feelings and answers me with his eyes, that am sure of it. Thanks to all of you one more time from the bottom of our hearts always, Buster and Jorge .

[goliath]

Bless you and Buster. Four more days now. I am so happy to hear Buster's appetite is good and he is sleeping well. Those furry babies we have say so much with their eyes and love it when we look deep into them and talk. I think it helps them feel more love and security and does the same for us.

There is a wide circle of love and prayer going on for you and Buster. My prayers are with both of you and will continue to be.

Love and hugs,
Beth