Advice On A New Friend, (this is a very long intro. post!) Options

[matildawong]

Hello, everyone.

Please forgive my barging in with this question. I have been lurking and now I find myself in a dilemma that I feel I may get some clarity out of by posting it here. (If that makes sense!?)

I am new here and have found great support and comfort (and shed many a tear) reading everyone's posts. Last week I lost my Mittens. She was 19 -- I adopted her when she was 10. She needed to be an only-cat household. I adored her. She went with me across the country and back; in planes and in cars. She suffered from CRF and almost 2 weeks ago she took a turn for the worse and I knew I had to help let her go. My vet was so wonderful. In fact, I didn't know how wonderful of a person/vet she was until that sad day. She helped me to stay in the room and be with Mitty (I was scared to see her go but knew I had to be there for Mittens.)

Fast forward and I am ready for a new friend/partner. I do know this. Not to replace M. but because my (former non-pet owner) fiance and I agree a cat-free household is much to lonesome!

My dilemma. At the 'no kill' shelter there are two girls. I love them both and I can only pick one. Micia is 11. She is a Maine Coon, crotchety, fabulous and has been at the shelter the longest. The (tougher) animal control officers tell me her time is running out. The (sweeter) volunteers with the non-profit say no, someone will adopt her. The animal control people tell me the Chief is the real boss and he knows Micia is really hard to place. She could get sent to the city shelter soon. I really like her. Though she can swat and hiss (I brushed her today and she was pretty nice.)

Melody is 6. She's sweet but very scared. Her owner died and her cat-roommate had more personality and was adopted. My heart melts a bit more for Melody because she's not as tough and sassy as Micia. She looks forlorn and it seems like she'd thrive with us. She probably has more time at the shelter than Micia because she isn't as attitude-ridden as Micia. But I fear no one will look past her shyness and see her cute personality.

They both would do well with us. We have an apartment and I'm only supposed to have one cat. Micia would do her own thing and I mean, sheesh, my fiance is crotchety, too. So there you go! Melody would hopefully thrive on affection and love from us.

My problem: I have this terrifying sense of condemning one or the other. The animal control lady looked teary-eyed when I suggested taking Melody. I think she thinks I am Micia's last chance. The animal control police-guy (so nice, has like 9 pets of his own from the shelter!) said I would be helping them no matter which one I choose.

I do know this: I want to take one of these two girls. I FEEL it, it's right for me. I will be ok once I decide, but the decision itself is really upsetting me. I try to think what Mittens would want, but come up empty. And doesn't that sound weird? But I think you know what I mean. My vet's office (works closely w/shelter, knows both cats) gently suggested Melody because they are aware that Mittens' treatment/decline/visits/meds/etc. really put a clinch on our wallets. (Not that we care!!! Not one bit!!! Just that maybe we should get a younger cat and build up our emergency fund again.)

Finally, thank you to anyone who has read through this emotional, long-winded post. I think I may have some relief just from writing it out. Goodness knows it's been bouncing around in my head so much. I do wonder if I'm channeling some of my grief into this situation but you know, I don't really think so. I tend to be emotional like this anyway.

Phew. Thanks again for letting me post this. Truly.

ETA: I was just wondering if anyone had any advice on how to handle this decision. Thank you.

[LoveThem]

The no kill shelters around here that I know of keep a cat until adopted..it is NEVER sent to the animal control so I don't understand what your no kill means. No kill should mean just that..not...well we don't kill them but we will sent them to be killed. I don't understand that at all.

I'm afraid I would choose the shy one and the 5 years younger helps. You just lost a cat. My 3 cats were siblings and so due to the closeness in age...I was losing them more quickly. This time I adopted a shelter cat of 2 years old...hoping my grief gets lost in the back of my mind before it is his time. I have a neighbor who adopted a scared one and she turned into the most gentle cat I ever saw. The other one they adopted was aggressive and he would bite her very badly so her hand was swollen all the time. I never had an animal bite me so I couldn't understand it but it was part of his personality. He was friendly but you really had to be careful around him.

I find people do not look for the shy ones...they look at the ones who come up to them. It does have to be hard to choose only one.

I had my last one, Little Guy, over 16 1/2 years and you had your Mittens for 19 years. After so many years, my boy and I were very close and he was the sweetest and gentlest boy. My new one being 2 years old is very active and while at the shelter I could pick him up and hold him and put him in my lap and carry him around....at home he is very loving but he does go a little crazy which at times is hard because I am used to my boy being so very different.

And, it is true we cannot save them all..and I wouldn't let others' tears influence my decision. They will cry over any not adopted because we care for them all and wish we could save them all. Over the years when I tried to help strays I found everyone always wanted to talk me into taking them when I could not...no one wanted to help them except to tell me to take them. A true no kill keeps an animal for the rest of its life if not adopted..that's their purpose...to avoid putting them down. Don't let the emotions of people there chose a life companion for you. It is the connection you feel with the animal that is important. Holding my new one and looking into his eyes...I felt a connection and as long as he is not vicious....he would have a home. When they are not kittens we don't know what they have gone through in their lifetime and sometimes it may be too much to try and change when there are so many others that need a home also. How would you feel if they put Melody down because she was not adopted fast enough?

I don't understand why you can only have 1 cat in your apt..2 cats make no noise. The SPCA no kill here has a policy that if the animal does not work out, the person has to agree to bring it back because they will take care of it for life or until adopted for good.
Is there any way you can take both for a trial like that? And see them in your home? Will the "no kill" place take one back if you find it impossible to take care of it?

We forget having older cats for many years, like your Mittens, and my Little Guy that cat bites are very serious medical situations and we have to be careful bringing in an older one that we don't know what they have been through.

I can understand it is a hard decision...maybe if you visit and spend more time with them...you may feel more bonded to one than the other. But I would not let the people there scare me with the threat of killing the animal..to make me adopt it. While I don't like any animal put to sleep..I cannot save thousands of them and it is now done humanely which is better than being out in the world being treated cruelly by people who don't care. But if they are a true no kill....that subject should not even come up.

It is your decision and if they put it that way...about putting the animal down...which one would you want to save if both were being put down and you could only take one? Because it sounds like that is what they do if the animal stays too long so it would apply to all of them and they are not a true no kill.

I wish you the best and whoever you pick will be a very lucky cat because you sound like a true pet lover who will give them the love and a safe home that they need...and of course, I agree with you about needing to fill the emptiness of a home without a cat anymore because I just had to do that myself. I saw hundreds of cats at the no kill but it helped knowing they were there for life if not adopted and also a lot of times the volunteers and workers there will adopt them. I was looking to see something special when one of them looked into my eyes...like my Little Guy used to do... and I found one and named him Lucky because he survived a kill shelter and then being abandoned after his adoption but a nice neighbor took him to the no kill SPCA and not the City animal control who are not no kill. No worker there or at the pet stores adoption days where I also went....ever tried to talk me into taking one particular animal knowing they all need homes and if I picked it out myself..chances are its chances of having a permanent home would be better than if someone else was picking it out for me.

I am so sorry you lost Mittens. They are such joys for so many years and their unconditional love will remain with us forever. Sometimes I think that they are given that love to give us so that when their time does come....we will open our heart and home to another as a tribute to the love we received from the ones we lost.