To My Touch, July 22, 1993 - July 13, 2007 Options

[crystal0]

My dear Touch,

It has been a little over 8 weeks since you have gone to Rainbow Bridge, and each day without you is still difficult for me. I think back on our many years together -- you were a part of me for half of my life.

I miss you so much! There are days when I am completely lost in my grief, longing to hold you and see your face again.

I remember when we first got you. It was March of 1998, and I was just a kid. Actually, at that time I did not think much about getting a dog, it was my dad who had agreed to get two Pekingese dogs from his co-worker, who was a breeder.

When we went and picked you and your female friend, Ripple, up, I was pretty frightened of you! You protected Ripple, jumping up, barking and growling if hands came close. But eventually, I was not a stranger to you anymore. As I grew to love you more and more, my family decided to give both you and Ripple away, saying that two dogs was too many to handle. They did not inform me of their decision ahead of time. I came home one day to people taking you and Ripple away.

I begged and begged for you back, until one day, the new owners also could not take care of two dogs, and you were given back to me.

And so we lived on together.

Touch, I wish I appreciated you more when I was younger. Those days that I would stay out forever with my friends and not spend time with you, watch TV without you in my lap, enjoy the sunshine without you next to me...countless days when both you and I were younger that I wish I showed you my love. I hope that you forgive me for those days of neglect, and know that I love you so very much.

You were my special "old man," as weird as that sounds. You looked like a grumpy guy, but I knew that you were happy and that you loved me. I used to get extremely mad when anyone made negative comments about your looks. I wanted to scream. To me, you were the most beautiful dog, and I saw the light in you where no one else did.

It saddens me thinking of how numbered our days were after you were diagnosed with cancer. We had only about a month before you had to go. I wished everyday would never end. I see that I was being selfish, not wanting you to go, despite that you were in pain and the illness was growing. I look at the latest pictures of you, and cry. You looked like you were hurting so much.

I will always remember your cute little face with your tongue sticking out. I will always remember you gazing at me from your bed, and I would think, "I am so lucky to have you."

I am so grateful to have had you in my life. I truly was blessed. You made me a better person, teaching me the importance of patience and the greatness of love.

You will always be in my heart, and our souls will be intertwined forever. You took a part of me along with you that day you left. I know I will see you again one day, and everything will be perfect with you in my arms again.

I love you so much,
Crystal

[LoveThem]

Crystal: You cannot talk to people who do not understand what it is like to care for one of these special babies as we do. What they say will hurt because they don't understand. That is what this forum is for...to be among others who understand the pain and have been there.

what you are feeling is NORMAL for someone who truly loves these babies. Coming here like you just did is the best thing for you right now. You will find understanding here. We have all experienced the pain and grief you are going through. Here..you are never alone.

You are not a "crazy" person. Your tears are NOT wasted. There is so much love being expressed through them..it is a natural expression of grief. If one of those friends lost a human they loved, would they think their tears were a "waste when they know he is ok"?

I want to share with you some sayings I have read from others who were grieving...sayings that I found comforting and hopefully you will get a comfort from reading them also.

One mom said: The pain of losing him will never ever be greater than the joy of knowing him.

Another said: One can ask with the depth of pain we go through WHY do we allow ourselves to become so attached to pets? All one has to do is think of the tremendous amount of unconditional love we get from them and then we can ask WHY wouldn't we?

People who give you the responses you got obviously have never received that special unconditional love we can ONLY get from these babies...Humans are not capable of giving that kind of love. It is that which we receive from them that when we lose that...our grief becomes overwhelming. Each one we know is unique and special and their love is special. That's why we will always grieve in our hearts and yet at the same time we can remember the love through the happy memories we share with our special ones...and think of them when they were healthy and happy and with us.

We each share with our baby a very special relationship that is between them and us only but here what we can share is we understand the joy we each had by having these wonderful ones in our lives and we can understand the pain of losing them because that pain is universal to all of us..it is just as intense and devastating to one and all. We each try to find our way back from that dark place of grief and we try to share with each other what has helped us get through the grief and more into acceptance of what we cannot change and stop the sadness from overwhelming us. It is never fully gone because it is a part of everything we feel but we can start to take control back over our lives and try to begin a healing process.

We are allowed to fall back into grief from time to time and vent and cry. At times doing that can make us feel better because we are not holding it in.

You are not giving out the impression of "fun and games"...not to people who truly understand how you are feeling. People who don't understand don't know how to respond so they may just make things seem trivial....that doesn't work when you are in pain.

Come here and talk. There are many here listening. You are not alone. Remember that..it is important to remember that. You will find true understanding here because what is said here comes from the heart.

Take Care and don't forget we are here.