The Pain Options

[Gort]

Ava was a german shepherd cross with a coyote (?). I picked her up in a small town when the local police planned to put her down if no one took her. She was a stray about 6 months old that had been dropped off. I'm a big german shepherd fan and after my last one was hit by a truck and killed several years prior, I hadn't planned on getting anything other than another pure bred. She was sickly and underweight and obviously been abused by who ever had her first. She was german shepherd looking enough that I took her in. That was over 15 years ago.

It took her a long time to figure out that she was a dog. She used to get car sick after about a mile of driving, she was afraid of water, didn't bark and was quite timid. When my job changed, I now went out into the bush alot in my work truck. I figured I'd start taking her with me and if she got sick in the back of my truck, I could just hose it out... no problem. It wasn't long before she started to dance around when she heard "go for a ride?" Once when we were out walking on logs that spanned a creek I 'accidently' bumped her and she lost her balance and had to jump into the creek. Once she realized that she could swim I couldn't keep her out of the water. She never did figure out that when swimming, save taking a drink until later so she would paddle about lapping up water as she went. Silly dog. She never did get into chasing sticks or balls and it took her a LONG time to teach her the few tricks that she eventually picked up on. She didn't have a mean bone in her body. Perpetually shedding her thick coat.

She was never allowed to run free except when I took her out in the field for work. In my humble opinion, that's where alot of accidents and illnesses come from so from the beginning, she was on a chain. As my living cir%%stances changed, she got a cable/pulley run attached to her chain which expanded her area to practically the entire back yard. I moved to a house that had a yard that I could afford to fence so that's what I did. Six feet high all around and no more chain. The second winter at this place we got a lot of snow which 'shrunk' the height down to about 3 feet so you guessed it, she started hopping the fence and wondering the neighbourhood always coming back after a few hours. Once the snow melted she wouldn't jump the fence anymore. The following fall, we got the first skiff of snow and I guess she figured "ground is white, so I can jump the fence". From then on it didn't matter if there was snow or not, she would jump over the 6 foot fence and go for a stroll at her leisure. Unfortunately, that meant time to go back on the chain for her own protection. Again I moved this time she got a 100 foot cable/pully run. Of course when ever I went to work that didn't involve the office, she was my trusted companion that accompanied me everywhere.

Recently, my son moved away leaving me and Ava to hold down the fort. She was my best friend. Always there for me with an uncanny ability to know when I was feeling down. She'd come sit beside me and nudge me or rest her head on my leg, just to let me know she was there for me.

I put her out after feeding on last Thursday at about midnight. I had an office day on Friday so no field day for her. Normally as part of my morning routine, I'd look out in the back yard to see what 'Dog' was up to and watch her for a bit but I didn't do that Friday. I went to let her in for visit time and feeding at about 9pm on Sept 3. I didn't get a response when I asked my usual, "Doggest want to go inside?" I then found her lying at the bottom of the stairs looking like she was asleep but I knew that the sound of the door and my voice would have made her get up if she could. I knew the minute I saw her that she had passed on.

Ava had slipped away sometime the previous night or during the day, age had caught up with her. She was about 15 to 16 so she had a good life. I miss her terribly. I didn't think I could cry this much over a 'pet' but I am finding out differently. I found this site while at work this morning and started crying again when I read some of the forums.

[Gort]

Wow...

I came home at lunch to find a message on my answering machine from the vet, advising that Ava's ashes were ready to be picked up. I immidiately had tears come to my eyes. I thought about going down right then and getting them but figured I'd be a wreck afterwards so I postponed until after work.

Surprisingly, I was fine about picking them up and only my voice cracked when I told them why I was there. My vet (the receptionist anyway) didn't know me particularly well seeing as my previous vet I have dealings with thru work and I stopped going to him after I had problems with him at work. Try not to mix business with personal stuff... none the less, Ava had always been pretty healthy and about the only time I took her in was to get her booster shots. The new vet only saw her the one time last fall when she had that bout of what ever it was she had.

I didn't cry until I had her remains in the truck and started heading home. Her last "go for a ride". She used to always get soooo excited when ever I said that.

I was surprised when I actually picked her ashes up. They are in a nicely finished wooden box (maple? I deal with conifers not deciduous so I'm not sure) with a little brass plaque that had "AVA" printed on it. Quite ornate which is the biggest surprise. When my dad died in 98, I of course being the sole surivor from my direct family had to deal with that. When I picked up his ashes, they were wrapped in a plastic bag which was in a card board box. That's it... a cardboard box. Quite the contrast here.

Right now her little box of ashes is in the front hall where she used to lie most of the time when she was inside. With such a nice little box, I'm not sure what I'm going to do with the ashes. I have plenty of time to think on it and I'm still thinking of sprinkling her ashes in the places that she/we loved to be most (no I won't be sprinkling any ashes on the hall carpet). Perhaps I will use the box to hold a few keep sakes like her collar and tags afterwards and make a small memorial shrine on the piano with her pictures... maybe a candle on top of the box or something. I don't know yet.

All in all, I handled the situation alright as painful as it was... at that moment anyway.