My Kitten Died, And I Can't Cope Options

[Lynsey]

Three weeks ago my beautiful seven month old kitten Purdy died. She had spend weeks in intensive care, as her immune system was attacking her bone marrow. She became severely anaemic, and although it seemed that she was getting better, she passed away during the night.

My heart is broken. I live alone, and have suffered from depression for years. Purdy made such a huge difference to my life. She was the only thing that had made me feel truly happy in years. Purdy was the sweetest cat that I could ever have wished for. She followed me everywhere and I adored her. I can't believe that I am never going to see her again, it has all been such a shock. I thought we had years together.

I might find this easier to accept if she was an old cat that had lived her life, but she was just a baby. I am also devastated that I didn't get to say goodbye properly and wasn't there when she died. Every time I think of her struggling for breath at the end my heart breaks all over again. I never, ever wanted her to suffer.

The day before she died I went into hospital to see her as usual, but she was very grumpy and distressed and wouldn't let me touch her. I get upset every time I think about it because I didn't get to hold her one last time.

I haven't been at work since she went into hospital nearly two months ago. I just can't stop crying and nobody seems to understand what I have lost. I have been so lonely without her. I went back to the charity that I got her from and I am adopting two kittens from them a week on friday. I feel so guilty about that too. They'll never replace her.

I keep finding her fur everywhere which sets me off crying, and can't bear to hoover up. Its as if I would be removing any evidence that she was ever here.

Its four weeks now since she passed away, and the pain isn't getting easier. I can't accept her death and just wan't her back so much that it physically hurts.

Attached image(s)

 

[tikkanen]

Lynsey, I am so sorry to hear of your losing Purdy. A wonderful photo of a beautiful kitty. I know how you loved her. Your coming here is testament to that. Others here have said we may never know the why. I don't know if we will or not. When I lost my Tigerpaws the void was big dark and painful for two reasons. First because of a devastating loss and secondly because I had no fourlegged to love. I chose the Anatole France quote for my tagline for a purpose, because it is true, so when our fourlegged friends die aside from the loss of a dear friend we hurt because our souls need to love an animal to feel truly awake. Do not feel guilty about the 2 new kitties, Purdy wants you to be whole as you were with her and will be with the new little ones. She also knows the little ones are not replacing her, they are bringing you wholeness. I am sure Purdy is smiling beause you will love the new kitties. After all I believe that is who you are.

I wish you well
I wish you peace
I wish you love

Mark