Im Losing My Best Friend, and it's killing me Options

[sindii&clyde]

Im gonna lose my little angel, and when she goes im gonna be lost.
She's full of tumors and only has weeks or less to live, i promised i'd never let no one hurt her but im gonna have to decide to kill her.
It's because of her im here today and i owe her everything ( i was abused growing up at home and beaten and bullied at school regularly, if i hadn't got her i would have done myslef in when i was 16, she gave me reason to live) and now i feel like i did when i was 16 ie lost, helpless and numb.

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[sindii&clyde]

Yeah, im trying to stay happy and enjoy every moment with her, just every so often i begin to tremble and just cry, i lose control. The thought of coming home and she's not here, scares the hell out of me. Home is home because of Clyde, even if i lived on the streets.

For every day i've shared in her life, the happiness she has and is giving me, the heartbreak i feel now cannot compete with the love we have.
We all know we wouldn't swap it for anything in the world and knew the day would come, i feel we all wish they coud go peacefully in their sleep from old age.

It's funny, they say your life flashes by you with near death experiences (even though it's not mine), for the last few weeks memories i totally forgot about just keep popping into my head, making me both cry and smile.

The most amazing one, which i'll never forget is the day we got her. My dad wanted to get a boy, so when me and my mum went to the pet shop, i spotted the pup i wanted( you always know from the first moment), i had wanted a dog all my life and was jealous of everyone who ever had one, my mum asked the guy to pick us out a male dog and i pointed the one i wanted, he gave HIM a quick check and said HE was ok to take.
When we got in my brothers named HIM clyde, anyway, that night when my dad got in, he was stroking HIM and checking HIM when he came out with 'it's not a boy, you've got a GIRL." Name was chosen and we liked it so we didn't change it.
I always wanted a girl dog, wasn't too keen on the lipstick that friends dogs liked to display :-)

Bonnie and scuby are getting on too, this expeirence will help me with them too. Bonnie still is the same dog i rescued at 18months, she's the peter pan of the dog world :-)