Im Losing My Best Friend, and it's killing me Options

[sindii&clyde]

Im gonna lose my little angel, and when she goes im gonna be lost.
She's full of tumors and only has weeks or less to live, i promised i'd never let no one hurt her but im gonna have to decide to kill her.
It's because of her im here today and i owe her everything ( i was abused growing up at home and beaten and bullied at school regularly, if i hadn't got her i would have done myslef in when i was 16, she gave me reason to live) and now i feel like i did when i was 16 ie lost, helpless and numb.

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[Beaglegirl]

Your angel is beautiful. I'm so sorry she is full of tumors, and that it is on you to make the decision to end her suffering. It is a hard phone call to make, it took me three hours to call the vet
You aren't "killing" her, that sounds so inhumane. I was with my dog when he had to go, and he was gone before I knew it, it was so fast and painless, and I held him afterwards, and his body just seemed as if he was asleep, finally at rest.
There is a reason she came to you when she did, at that time in your life. It seems like even if you never show it that you have a lot of love in your heart, at least enough to give to your angel.
That love will live on. And though it is very very painful now, I hope your heart will once again love, even though right now it feels that is not possible.
When I lost my dog of 16 years, I had to have him put to sleep because of cancer, I thought I'd NEVER EVER love another dog again.
Then one day, I found a dog along the beach, and a man was kicking him!!! He said the dog was a stray and he wanted it to leave. The dog was mangy, and thin, but those eyes told me he needed me. Now, I never replaced my other dog, the love is different for each one. I can't describe it, but some day, probably when you least expect it, you will be needed. Your purpose right now is to care for your dog, and there is a purpose for you after she is gone. She was here for a reason, you have to figure it out and carry on. Sorry, no one can help you in that department, we are all figuring out why it hurts so bad to lose them, yet we do it again. There is a wonderful story on here called "you chose tears" sorry I don't know the link, but it is very good.
But you may be called to save another some day.
I'm sure if I hadn't passed along the beach that day, that man would have kicked that dog to death. The day I took that dog, was the day my heart started to heal.