Monte Went Home Today Options

[monte]

End of Febuary beginning of march I posted my story of Monte. My 2 1/2 year old dobie. Today I let him go home. It is killing me. Yesterday I seen in his eyes it was time. I called and made the appt. for today. Hoping that he would be fine in the morning so I could cancel the appointment. There were a few times when I thought I would have to say goodbye but the next day he was up and running. But I knew not this time. So we got up and went outside. He loves the sun. So we sat on the swing while he was soaking up the sun. He watched the bird hoping in the grass. Then he looked down at the cement. I knew what he was looking for. He was looking for ants. He loves to watch ants. So he was looking for one. We talked and swung for awhile. Then I got the mat and we sat on the ground. He got up and went to the door and decided it was time to come in. He stood in the living room til I sat down so he could come up to my lap. We went on our car ride. I put him on my lap and we drove the back roads so he could read his newspaper(that what I call it when they sniff the wind). We went to the bank and couple fast foods. Thought maybe he would eat something, but didnt. When he put his head down it was time to come home. We got back on couch and he slept. He was tired. The times he woke up we just talked. Then he go back to sleep. So when it was time to go I had my husband put my shoes in the van. Then I went to the van and he carried him out. I didnt want him to think I was leaving. Our trips are always fun trips. Also I didnt want him to have to get strain himself. He has used alot of will power and strength to live this long. It was my turn to be his strength. When we got to the vets I let him have his pride and let him walk in on his own. He really loves the ladies there. When he goes in he checks to see where everyone is. After he went to sleep the whole office broke down.Then wHe was on his 3rd days with out eating. As you seen on my first post he was never a big dog. He was aklways always thin. Losing 5 lbs on him was enough. Even tho it was his kidneys, he would get up and go to the bathroom as normal. He ended up with diarreah. That hurt him more than anything. what he would eat would go thru. I promised him before I would not let him suffer. Even tho he was born with this and wasnt to live past 6 months one always hope for that miracle. In a way I did get one since he did live for 2 1/2 years. He was my best friend. That is the honest truth. I never had a best friend growing up. He was always with me. If he heard me spray the hairspray or see my shoes or get my purse he was at the door before me. At night he would put his head around mine and when we were sitting he would be sitting with me with his head on my shoulder. Even these last couple days while he was laying there and someone was with him, the minute i got up he would put his head up and watch me. Then when i sat down he made sure he was on my lap. I told my self that I wouldnt let him go until he wouldnt get up to leave. But there was no way I was going to let him get that bad. If I did that then he would be hurting. We have been going there weekly for epogen shots. He was anemic. His count was down to 12. It was to be at 37. If it had got to 10 , he would die of weakness. I didnt want that. Epogen is very expensive, but I found a vet 2 hours away that could get it for me cheaper. My savings is down to nothing from it, but I do it again or take out a loan. I called and wrote to some help groups that help with the cost of a pet. Not one would help or reply. They stated they will help will cost of care no matter the need. Believe it or not it WAS working. His count was up to 25. What makes me mad is the kidneys won. The toxins got bad. We were winning part of the battle. He was on epakitin and azodyl. I would like to give my opinion on epogen and my experience. I know many people cant afford it. but if you have a pet in early stages of kidney disease I think it is worth a shot. It did do its job. I will be honest tho. I regret having to feed him k/d dog food. If I could do it all over again I would let him eat what he wanted. I was so heart set on him living that I didnt want him to hurt his kidneys worse. You read stories where they say I have my pet on k/d and they lived for many more years. He was only 2 and a baby. His own shadow scared him. When he was about a year old we went to the pet store and a chiuahua scared him. Finally I got to the point no more. Let him eat. He ate one and a half roast beef sandwiches. I hope this makes sense. I am just upset. So I hope my spelling is ok. It is now 1100pm and hes been gone for 6 hours. It is quiet inthe house. no hugs, no kisses, no nothing. My heart is so empty. I hate the quiet. When he would bark he would yodel. the neighbors loved. No more sucking on his blanket. Since he was a premie he always sucked because he was tubed fed to food. It is driving me crazy. I didnt say goodbye. I told him that he will now have healthy kidneys and be a strong guy soon. That he could run again soon and that I will see him soon. He will be with his sister and brothers that didnt make it from birth. He was the only one that survived out of ten from the mother having a infection in her womb. I pray that the lord will let him visit me for that hug or kiss or snuggle he would give. All I ca do right now is cry and call his name (monte). I have dealt with death befor, but this is so different. I know in my heart I did the right thing. I would not be selfish to let him hurt and get way worse just so I could have him here. I dont know what to do. I cant take the quiet. My lap is empty. I gave them his blanketto be with him. I did take a little piece to hold onto. I dont want to go to bed. I dont even want to look at it. So to my monte I love you with allmy heart. You are now running freely and you have perfect kidneys that you never had before. My heart is so empty without you, but my heart is so full that now I know you are complete and perfect in everyway. I hope you are gorging yourself on every steak you have. I thank you so much for being my best friend. You let me experience a feeling that I never had before. Even though it was for only over a 2 year period. It was so awesome to knowI had someone to talk to and hold and confide to. I will see you soon. Love Mom

Attached image(s)

 

[katzen11]

Monte went home
i am so sorry
what a lovable dog.
we want to protect our babies forever
and then, the day comes, when we have to let them go.
feeling with you
Eva