My Cat, April 4th, So Sad, best friend died Options

[Claire]

On April 4th, after a long illness and having dealt with in-home hospice care and cat Alzheimers (CDS), which I never knew existed before, my sweet Mister M died at almost 22 years old. I never knew what it meant to say you are beside yourself with grief but I do now.

When my other cats died, I was also heart broken but I think I always had their brothers or sisters with me, that isn't true now. I had a kitten who was hit by a car, and Mister's big brother had a disease and had to be euthanized when he was in his teens. It isn't easy whenever or however it happens. I pick up Mister's ashes. mixed with his brother's on Monday we think.

Since he went on so long, I think I'd fooled myself, despite his failing health and mental state, into thinking he was eternal. We depended on one another. I'd not lived in a single-cat household for a long time.... He was our child.

I just don't know what to say. My best friend, my neighbor downstairs was up here weeping. He seemed eternal. I see him everywhere. I still go out and open the drawer to get him his food. I say hi when we walk in the door.... My heart is ripped apart. I'd tried to ready myself for the longest time and now, I'm falling apart. We lost my mom to Alzheimers and cancer, which my sweet cat also had back in July. He has helped me through so much and I was his nurse for so long these last months. I work from home and even though he'd lost his meow quite a while ago the house seems farr too quiet. We used to talk a lot about his brother, who died in 1990. Mister was born in 1986 and lived until 2008. Just unbelievable even though his death should have been and was expected. I have to go on, but it seems impossible somehow.

Thanks for listening.

Mister M's mom

[goliath]

Dear Claire............I am so sorry to hear of your loss of Mister M. Deep losses of loved ones we are so connected with are painful. The grief is unbearable, especially when new. You were blessed to have had your Mister M for 22 years. While I know first hand the emptiness and heartbreak that is felt when losing a furlove, I also know that the memories they leave us when they pass away are never forgotten. The happiness they bring into our homes is like no other and when they go it seems as though we have nothing to be happy about anymore.

I have had 4 black cats in my life. The latest one Jezebel, died on January 24th, 1997, at the age of 19 1/2. She was my companion and greeter as well as my friend. She was the last cat to pass away and I found my home empty without her.

A few months later I found about a litter of chihuahuas and begged my husband to go and just LOOK at them. Lo and behold I fell in love with a male chihuahua and named him Goliath. For the next 10 1/2 years he brought much happiness and joy into our home along with Gidget, who we brought home 5 months after we had Goliath. (ironically enough Goliath was born January 25th, 1997.............the day after Jezebel died.

Goliath passed away very suddenly on November 6th, 2007 in my arms. By far his death was the most painful and agonizing cir%%stance I have ever had to endure. Even though I knew he was in heaven, I felt like I had died too. Except surely I must have to gone to hell because that's what it felt like. My hopes and dreams and happiness crumbled right in front of me.

You have found the right place to come and share your grief and sorrow. It is here that I have found healing and the encouragement to go on and grow spiritually. There is much compassion, understanding, and love we share with each other in our exchange of replies to one another. We all walk together, recovering from our losses. The support we give each other so freely comes from our hearts where our furloves live and are well.

Keep coming Claire. Share your happy memories when you can. Miracles happen here. Eventually we find the comfort and acceptance in coping with our grief. We never forget all the love, joy, and happiness our furloves brought to us. That is their gift when they cross the bridge. We all have been blessed in knowing the kind of love relationship we have with that "special one." The bond you have with Mister M can never be broken. It is a binding love that connects heaven and earth as you and he stole each others hearts.

May you find the comfort and peace of mind you are seeking. Give yourself time to heal. Never be afraid to ask for help here, for sometimes you will find it where you least expect it. I hope to see you again soon. Take care and know you are NOT alone.