Do Finders Have To Be Keepers?, Not bonding with Sable Options

[Mink&WillowsMom]

I started this on Found a Kitty, but since it really opens up a whole new aspect, I'm starting a new topic here. Admin: you can move this to New Beginnings if it feels like a better fit, but the guts of my concern centers on having found a lost cat, not choosing a new beginning with one. Folks on this thread have been following Sable's tale, so I'd like them to be able to find this post and help me through it.

*** Okay, I'm taking a cue from the gent who wrote "Confession" (see Death and Dying), and Paris' reluctant disclosure about Bennett.

I've been struggling with feelings of not wanting Sable in my home.

Luna, Rohan, and Willow all guardedly walk past her, because she stares them down and lashes out sometimes. The warily pass by, tense and back stiff. There haven't been a lot of fistfights, but the honeymoon is definitely over, and sometimes Sable chases them, especially Luna, with lots of hissing and spitting. (Usually on Luna's part.)

Sable's kidneys are "weak." The doc says it's not kidney failure, but suggested I put her on the special NF diet as a protective measure. I'm just not willing to do that -- I've tried it with other cats and they all hate it. And with four, there'd be no way to switch just hers. I may as well just throw the money in the trash, because that's where all the food ends up. I'm willing to try other dietary changes, but not NF. She goes through an ungodly amount of kitty litter -- she pees as much as the other three combined. I'm awash in litter granules.

After years of caring for failing, elderly kitties, it was a joy to adopt new kittens. Willow, Rohan, and Luna are all abundantly healthy. What a relief of have a healthy, robust home. And after caring for my elderly, ailing father, and then to have been released from that when he died, I am SO unwilling to step back to caring for something in ill health. It's a stress that wears on me heavily. She doesn't groom herself well, she looks all rumply and unkempt. She's docile, and her mood is even, and purrs, and occasionally tries to play, but she's not robust. She now weighs 9 lbs, 1 oz (up from 5-10 when I found her).

But how can I ask someone else to adopt a health-compromised animal? I feel stuck with her. Maybe, with more time, she'll bond with some of us, but it hasn't happened yet. The local Kitten Rescue is just about to launch into kitten season, and if I insisted they take her, I think I'd ruin my goodwill with them (I used to volunteer there). One option, is they might be willing to advertise her on the website, as long as I continue to foster her.

I just feel like I'm a bad mom, and being selfish for wanting a home of harmony and health, needy kitties need not apply. Kimberly

[Mink&WillowsMom]

An animal communicator visited us today. It was a wonderful experience. A question mark about Sable is deeply settled now, and I'm so relieved. She's happy to be here, wants to stay, and is just starting to let down her guard that she's safe after all. What I've been seeing as lack of bonding is simply that she's only just beginning to unclench and trust that this mirage of love and warmth isn't going to be taken away from her. She was in a home where she wasn't wanted, and food and water were only irregularly available. She was hungry, and skinny even when she lived there. She wasn't overtly abused, but it was dirty and noisy, and no one doted on her. So this is the first time she's been in a stable, loving home, and it's all new and wonderful, bringing her deep waves of relief, as she slowly peels away the layers of hypervigilance and caution. As for bonding, she just isn't ready yet, she's still in relief mode, and needs her space yet. She's not even quite connected to her body yet (since she was unsafe and hungry for so long) (which explains why she's barely started to groom herself), but the longer she's here, the more she's starting to settle into a sense of physical and emotional safety. All four cats look forward to, and expect, the day when they're all at ease with other, in harmony.

I asked Lisa (AC) if Sable particularly sought me out, or knew I was coming that day. She said she just knew that she was supposed to be waiting there. And she did -- as I drove by, she looked like she was waiting for a bus. Sitting, quietly, right up near the edge of the freeway. Waiting. Patiently.

Luna's response to her was especially thrilling to hear. "We were waiting for her! She's one of us!" She's happy to have her here, and said Sable was her mom in another life, and they were separated, so now she's come back. "How odd," Lisa said, "I've never had a cat tell me information from another life before." She said that Mink and Twitch are around all the time, visiting often. In fact, she said that there are lots of cat spirits here. "Some that have lived here with you, and even others that haven't. It's well-known among cats, a popular place." Lots of kind, wonderful things she had to say about the energy in my home.

Lisa was able to meet Luna and Sable face to face, but Roh and Willow hid away somewhere. At the end, I searched for them and found they were right behind the couch we were sitting on, less than a foot away. How interesting and clever that both boys spent the hour practically right on top of us, yet completely hidden! They've never done that before -- sat close behind the couch when someone is over. They were obviously SO engaged in what was going on!

The upshot is that I now feel totally at peace that Sable has found us and joined our family. And I can trust that they'll work it out, without any assistance from me.

As for their requests, Rohan said, "tell her to give me that kitten." Lisa thinks it might be some stuffed toy that's been set away, or lost under furniture. I'm not quite sure what he means, but I'll check around for misplaced toys. Willow asked if I'm "still drinking that stuff. Make sure she takes it. She feels better when she does." I've started a nutritional supplement, and have forgotten it a few times recently. He also asked for goldfish to bat at. Since he gets to go out by the pond, I wonder if he meant there? I hadn't yet because I don't want to draw raccoons. Maybe we could have a fishtank...

Anyway, hope y'all have enjoyed hearing our adventure today. Regardless of how we got here, I have a newly centered feeling of peace about Sable joining in, and moving forward a home singing in four-cat harmony. ~Kimberly