Said Goodbye To Tuff This Morning, I knew it was coming but dreaded the day Options

[Beaglegirl]

I joined this forum last year because I was having difficulty dealing with the loss of my poodle Boo.
She died at an emergency hospital before I could get there to say goodbye.
Today with Tuff it was different. I took his favorite blanket, and his favorite toy.
He hadn't eaten more than 3-4 tablespoons a day for about a week, and for the past 24 hours he has suffered nausea and dry heaves with drool.
He was diagnosed 2 years ago with chronic renal failure after some routine labs showed some elevated kidney enzymes that got very slowly worse over time.
I did the special diet, got him a water fountain, and towards the end poked him twice daily with subcutaneous fluids.
The day before he passed I took him to work with me (I work at a veterinary hospital, it has its perks ) and he was with me all day. Except for his labs, he always behaved better when momma WASN'T in the room.
About a week ago he started to crash, and everything was tried to lower his enzymes. Nothing worked, and this morning when I got up to offer him water (he was making thirsty noises) he was so nauseous when he saw his water bowl he vomited on the bed.
He felt so bad, it was time. He couldn't go on not eating and vomiting and feeling miserable, and I didn't want to continue to poke him twice daily since the fluids didn't work for him.
I'm not saying it was easier with Tuff, but different than with Boo. I held him in my lap, and he was given a dose of anesthesia to put him to sleep. I held him while he fell fast asleep. So, he didn't even flinch when he was given the injection of the euthanasia solution. It was so fast and so peaceful, I held him several minutes before I realized he was gone.
The crying is coming in waves, sometimes I'm OK and halfway functional, and other times I'm deep chest sobbing. My ribs hurt because I've cried so much this week, especially the past few days, because I could see him declining.
He was my love bucket, fat boy (not really, just his brother looks anorexic compared to him) Tuff Love.
He went by many nicknames, because his heart was so big one name just wouldn't do.
He was a special baby, and I miss him. It is very unfair he was taken so young. But looking back, I had time to prepare for this day, if you can prepare for it.
Working at a vet I see owners go for weeks, have their pets lose half their body weight, and fight to keep the pet alive because they just can't let go.
I'm actually OK with the decision, it was a terribly hard one to do, but watching your pet wretch, watching thier blood values go terribly off the chart, and knowing he would never have a good day ever again tore at my heart. I just couldn't put him through any more suffering.
I tried not to cry when he was put down, but I did anyway. I did manage to hold in the big sobs. I didn't want his last memory to be of me upset. I think it is important to be strong for them when they need you, and he needed me to help him not feel so sick anymore.
I'm glad I found this site a year ago. I check in periodically, and it is nice to know there is support when you need it.

[Beaglegirl]

Thank you. The worst part is watching his brother. I mean, it is his real brother, same litter. Every morning they would run to the door together, and bust out to play in the yard while I got ready for work.
He just kind of walked outside, and sniffed all over, then looked at me like, "What do I do now???"
Last night I hear Ruger low whining, it was bizarre but I thought he was dreaming, then realized his eyes were open and he was looking at me.
His sister just sniffed his empty bed, and I left Tuff's toy and collar on it. She doesn't seem as affected as Ruger.
But I am affected. I miss him so. Today is only day two and the pain is so very real, because this time yesterday I had him with me.
I'm going to try to keep busy, clean house and do laundry. I'm going to cry too, I have to let this out or it feels like a balloon inside my heart will just burst if I don't.
I found that when Boo died, when I made a tribute video for her it helped me.
I spent three days crying and editing the video. I went through home movies and pictures and bawled and sobbed. BUT, for me that was healing. I am going to do that with Tuff as well, but I'm just not ready to focus on anything just yet.
My mind feels like the channel is changing constantly and I just can't focus on anything as important as a tribute video right now.
Thanks again, I'm hurting so, but not over my decision to euthanize Tuff. Believe it or not, that so far has been the easiest thing about this whole ordeal.
So, thanks again for listening.