How Do I Stop Crying?, My friend is gone forever Options

[LoveThem]

My beautiful long-haired black cat (my boy) is gone forever. I had to make an instant decision on 9/10 to put him down. The vet said his chest was full of fluid and his gums were blue from very little oxygen. He had struggled to come from the back of our home to the front room to lie down on one side with his mouth open. It was so scary. He got up and moved a couple of feet and did it again. I thought he had died. We rushed him to the vet and he was put on oxygen. The fact he was 16 years old, had lost weight over the past few weeks...well, the vet guessed at a cancer somewhere in his body and what they would have had to do to help him survive maybe 4 weeks, or maybe the next day it would be another emergency to drain his chest. That draining causes a lot of pain. I couldn't let him suffer but I didn't want to let him go either. So the instant decision to put him down. Now I can't stop crying everyday. He was so gentle and sweet. I miss him so. I thought how I had told the vet that purring seemed to choke him up; she said she never heard of that. I said he sits with his tongue hanging out a little. She didn't know what that meant. I saw a picture on the Internet of a cat who was having trouble breathing and his tongue looked just like my boy's. Maybe if the vet understood breathing problems she might have been able to do something before something horrible went wrong all of a sudden and his chest filled with so much fluid, he could not breathe hardly at all. I didn't know when I scooped him up, it would be the last time I would hold him. I've thought about getting a new pet which would be a distraction (I've done that before and it helped) but my husband said it is too soon and he is not ready and we gave away all the cat food and he was upset that if we got another cat or kitten we would have to buy food again. I don't know how to answer that. I have had dogs and cats all my life and believed that when one goes it may be God's way of making a home available for one that needs it. 16 years is the longest I ever had an animal and it was wonderful. I've been to the Emergency Room since and am undergoing GI tests. I think my grief is affecting my digestive system and I don't know how to stop it. This cat was the last to go of 3 kittens originally born in our yard and he was my favorite. Grief is easier to bear when there is at least one other animal at home, at least for me. Thanks for listening. I needed to talk. I would try those Pet Loss Hotlines but they are only at night and I don't want to upset my husband by talking to them when he is here.
I read all everyone's stories and I feel for all of you. We love them so much, that's why there is so much pain. But I wouldn't have not had them to avoid the pain that comes in the future. It is never never easy. I don't know how to bottle my grief.

[LoveThem]

Thanks for the kind words, Goliath. I see you can relate to my question about How Do I Stop Crying. Your answer said you thought you would stop crying when you cannot feel anymore.

What I would add to that is...when you cannot feel the pain constantly anymore. What seems to happen is when you replace good memories with sad ones, the pain eases and over time this happens continuously and it is easier not to cry when the pain does not overwhelm you. It is not that it goes away. It just gets pushed down and down inside until you do not cry 24/7.

The good memories that help are: the pictures of your baby happy and healthy and maybe even looking a little silly into the camera. Those were real times and times of smiles and joy. Also for some, in addition, it is welcoming a new one into the home, especially if there are no others left because a new one demands attention and keeps you busy so you don't have the time to cry you used to have.

The pain of the loss will always be inside you and will always be extreme when you relive any of the sadness but doing that doesn't help anyone and that's why although you will allow yourself to slip back now and then (we ARE only human), you will find that looking for things to smile about is well worth that effort and if we do it enough, we have developed a wonderful new habit. We need to find good distractions. After all, the good memories are there to relive. We are given a gift to have them.

I find with the new cat because he has similar looks to my others, I do think of them when I am with him but I don't have to cry when I do. When I see him in places my Little Guy liked to lay in...it makes me smile. I tell Little Guy I wish he was here but I know his body is not here so I think maybe his soul is close by and he hears me.
And I don't have the time to do a lot of thinking and maybe become sad again because this new one demands 24/7 attention. I have never seen one like him and I will never know how anyone could have abandoned him. I think anyone could pick him up and hold him with no problem. I think if anyone sat down, he would be in their lap in a second. He just has me shaking my head because he just can't get enough attention...although he DOES nap now and then.