My Beloved Cicio Left Me Nov 6, She was my sweet kitty....my companion Options

[mykittygirl]

I have come here for help..the pain in unbearable.

Her name is CICIO..pronounced chee cho. A beautiful sweet kitty of 12-1/2 years. I brought her home from the Humane Society when she was 6 months. She was the most beautiful animal I had ever seen..a pastel tortoiseshell with an exquiste face. I wish I had a photo I could get on here...but don't know how.

She traveled with me across country to a new home and she has been my only companion here. As long as she was with me and I had her to come home to, I was content and loved to just spend time with her.

She had a way of looking into my soul...and we were very connected with each other.

Cicio has had many problems right from the start but the worst started a year ago. She was diagnosed with diabetes so I started insulin. That was not a problem for her...she never blinked when I put the needle in. On weekends as well as during the week I was up at 5 a.m. (I'm a night person!) to feed her and give her insulin. My schedule was worked around her feedings and I was happy to do it.

Then there were 2 incidents were she was hooked up for 5 days on iv's...one was an acute pancreatic attack and she got thru both. She was a very strong individual.

Around the end of Aug I noticed she would be purring with an open mouth..it was just occasional but I mentioned it to the vet....she wanted a heart ultrasound done.
That was fianlly done end of Sept and I was SHOCKED to hear there was a lesion on her heart and some kind of drainage making breathing difficult.

Cicio was now in hospice but her appet*ite was good and this kitty never ate when she was in pain...that would be my sign. She adjusted to the breathing difficutly and at times it didn't seem like anything was wrong at all.

But I knew she would be leaving me soon...I was sleeping only about 4 hours a night...and tried not to show my grief to her as she was still with me.

This Tuesday I came home from work and she was in the same place I had left her in...my bedroom and she hadn't peed all day. I knew she was getting weaker and I knew I would have to make the decision soon. I so did not want to bring out that dreaded carrier...she panicked last time she was in it

She had eaten well this morning and now did come for food...she licked a bit of food...went in her box and peed and huge amount....got out and started heading for the bedroom and sounded like she was going to throw up. I called my sister again..said something was wrong and she said she was coming over. Cicio then was gasping for breath so I called the vet (they were closing in 5 min) to say I'm bringing her to euthanize..I didn't want her to suffer.

I was waiting for my sister who was only a couple miles away and checking on Cicio who was still gasping...I felt panic and wanted to get her there soon..I ran outside to look for my sister..was only gone a minute and when I came back Cicio had died. I was upset I hadn't been with her that second but knew she was in the home where she was deeply loved and knew I was there. I don't think she wanted me to see. I had always made the promise that no matter how difficult for me I would be with her at the vets when she left.

We wrapped her in a soft towel and I held her (no carrier for her!) and we arrived at the vets which had closed but where everyone was waiting at the door. We layed Cicio down in the backroom and everyone (all the techs) who loved her came over to touch and kiss her and they were crying...even her doctor. It was like a blessed funeral and Cicio had the most beautiful peaceful look on her face.

She left HER way and without inconveniencing anyone...right down to the pee in the box before she died...so her body wouldn't leave in on the bedroom carpet..just a little poop came out. My sister normally woudn't have been home and the vet clinic would have been closed if she had left 10 minutes later. I truly believe she did this for me and for herself...it was a small miracle.

I am LOST and in great pain and still in shock because it was unexpected in the sense of it wasn't a "planned" event. I have come here because of the love everyone has for their animals and the compassion for those of us suffering thru this devastating time.

Love from Donna and Cicio

[LoveThem]

It's been almost 3 months since my Little Guy left after 16 1/2 years. He was my last of 3 and so now there is also emptiness. I look at his pictures ..looking at me..and I want him back...so very much!

I know what makes the emptiness bearable is having another. It always helped me in the past and I am getting ready to visit my local SPCA shelter. Every one adopted from them lets them go to the pound and rescue another one cause a space is available. Doesn't that sound familiar? We lose our loved one and a space is created in our home. That's why I wonder if it is intentional so that ones who have lots of love to give can find someone who needs to receive it. No one ever REPLACES our special ones who have been with us and left but we do miss that unconditional love they give us.

There is one here who lost her special boy recently and who added a kitten to her household. She tells me how he purrs when picked up, rolls around and likes to play....now who can't smile at that thought? Animal lovers seem to be put here to love animals...I don't know why the others are here...but there are so many animals that have no one.... If it was up to me I would keep my Little Guy but if I hadn't lost the wonderful babies I had before....I would never have met my Little Guy and he would never have been part of my life. Each new baby who enters my life would not have been there if my previous one had not been taken from me. Unfortunately you just can't have one taken from you without a tremendous amount of pain that seems to last and last. Glad to hear you are going to visit. I think this is all part of the healing process.