Sammi Is Gone - I Am Devestated. Options

[sammisdad]

It has been 9 days since I had to say good-bye to my sweet Sammi. Sammi was only 8 years old and I never fathomed that I would be saying good-bye to her so soon. Sammi got very sick about a week and a half ago. It first appeared that she was having the first signs of hip problems or arthritis. I felt bad about that, but figured a trip to the vet would get her some needed relief. On Thursday November 15th, my wife called me at work and said that Sammi had fallen down twice and was not acting right. I rushed home and took her to the vet. I went in fully expecting to hear that she had hip problems and we would need to get some meds, possibly some other treatments. The vet told me that she was severely, life-threateningly anemic and was in very bad shape. Sammi was quite a home-body and did not enjoy being at the vet or away from home. The vet told me that he would not recommend her being hospitalized, because she was so anxious. He gave me some very strong steroids and some other meds to try and get her body producing red blood cells again. He did tell me that the prognosis was not good. I was devastated, but prayed and followed the doctor’s orders. I stayed up with Sammi all Thursday night and carried her outside to go to the bathroom, as even very short physical exertions were just too much on her. I was bringing food and water to her and she was still eating. Friday she just declined. I took her back for a follow-up blood test and her counts had all dropped. Things were looking worse. I took her home and kept up with the meds. Friday night was a repeat of Thursday except much worse. I stayed up with Sammi on the living-room floor and she stopped eating. She vomited a few times and was very unresponsive. Her breathing became very labored and I did not think she was going to make it through the night. The next morning, she continued to decline. I prayed and wept, but she was not getting any better. We had to make a decision and we did not want her to suffer any more. Our family said our last goodbyes to our dear old friend Sammi and I took her to the vet. They were very compassionate and caring. The vet believed she probably had cancer or some other serious illness that precipitated into the severe anemia that took my Sammi. I held Sammi close and told her how much I loved her. They gave her the injection and she passed.

Now I am so sad and miss her so much. It has been over a week and I am just as sad and dejected today as I was a week ago. My wife misses her. My children miss her. And our other dog, Nikki, misses her too. But I am devastated. I know that God’s ways are not my ways and that I don’t understand everything that happens. But I feel like I lost one of my own. I feel like I failed Sammi. I regret every wrong thing that I did as a pet-owner over the years. I am just in the blackest, saddest mood that I have been for as long as I can remember. I know that the sadness will fade, and I know that it will be more manageable as time goes on. But I am just devastated. I am having a hard time coping with anything and can’t get on with things. My wife says that I have to move past it, and I know she is right, but I have a knot in my stomach and a lump in my throat that just won’t go away. Every day after work I long to see her waiting at the door for me like she did for over 8 years. I hear a dog bark in the neighborhood and wish that it was my Sammi-girl and I weep. Every time someone at work asks how I am doing, it takes every ounce of energy not to totally fall apart.

We got Sammi from the local Humane Society 8 years ago this past July. She was just a little puppy and has always been the sweetest most loyal friend that anyone could ever have. I feel like a part of my heart has been torn out and it just hurts. I am a Christian and have faith that God will restore my precious little girl to me one day. But for now I just hurt. I just want to sleep and not face anything, but that is not an option. I have a wife, two boys and a little girl on the way in March. Plus my other dog Nikki. I know that I have to keep going, but I feel like crawling into a hole and not coming back out. If I could just have my Sammi-girl back for a week, or a day, or an hour to love on her and tell her how much she means to us. I know that is a pipe-dream and that it won’t happen, but I just miss her so much. My heart is totally sick over this whole turn of events. We never know what the day will bring us. I never thought going into Christmas time that my sweet little girl would be gone.

I know my story is not that much different than anyone else’s. I just miss my girl Sammi and feel so very sad without her. Thanks for listening. - Steve

[Furkidlets' Mom]

Steve,

I'm so sorry about your Sammi and also AM one of those people John spoke of who is still grieving quite heavily, nearly 15 months later. And I will continue to for as long as I feel I need to, period! No one will take my mourning away from me if I still feel whatever it is I feel. It's our right to have our feelings, no matter what they are, or how long they last. So in this, I agree with John.

However, respectfully, I don't quite agree with stamping out regretful or guilty feelings out of hand or just because they have the potential of doing damage to ourselves. Just like any other feeling, I think we're enti*tled to have them for as long as we need to have them, and in fact, these are other so-called "negative" feelings that can help us to grow just as much as any other feelings can.

Having regrets is natural, and guilt and anger (for whatever ) are the two most common feelings people experience after a loss (this is docu*mented fact in psychiatric circles). We need to work WITH them just as much as with any other feeling, and sometimes some of us feel a need to punish ourselves with them until such time as we no longer feel we deserve it. This is our rightful choice to do so, if we so choose. This is all part and parcel of the personal grief journey.

As well, while it's not often the case in reality, there are certainly times and circu*mstances when there IS what's known as "appropriate" guilt. Our job in grief is to discover for ourselves (with professional help if needed) whether any parts of that regret or guilt is truly appropriate or not, and if we end up after much introspection (usually done over much time and with much effort, and with checking in with 'outsiders' who can be more objective) still believing we did something bad, we need to learn from it, atone for it somehow, and THEN lay it aside. At that point, it's served its purpose in our lives and helped us grow, so is no longer needed.

If we determine it's really self-punishment with no basis in reasonable terms and expectations, then we can either lay it gently aside or if needed, work more to find out WHY we're really holding onto it. Reading some good books on grief should help you to start figuring this out, if you're interested. (Therese A. Rando's "How To Go On Living When Someone You Love Dies" is a pretty good and comprehensive, basic book to consider)

I'm not in any way suggesting that what you're suffering IS appropriate guilt, but just wanted to explain this concept more fully, AND to allow you the option of carrying your regrets for as long as you want or need to. Most of us do find later, though, that we did the best we could at the time, with knowing what we knew at that time. If the loss was very sudden, it often takes many people that much more time to get to that point, though, because we have fewer answers to all the questions that arise with a loss.

The single most important part of healing from grief is in the awareness, allowing and acceptance (AAA) of EVERYTHING that you feel, as you can handle it. (not being able to handle it in any given moment is ALSO an allowable feeling!) There is no right or wrong way to feel, but feelings are an important way to get us in touch with our deepest parts, the parts from where we CAN effect our healing.

Perhaps you're just more in touch with your deeper parts than those around you are, &/or are being more honest with your feelings....and that would be a very GOOD thing. Men like you aren't as common as many of us women would like!

If writing here helps, make that a part of your grieving plan for as long as it keeps helping. If not, find what does help. There are people you can talk to here and many resources and articles already listed in some of the other forums here which I would encourage you to read through.

You have all my sympathy for the loss of your darling dog, Sammi, who became such a big part of your life in her 8 short years. I'm so very sorry....if only they could be impervious to illness and disease....