It's So Hard Options

[j4lorn]

Hi everyone,

I've been reading here for a few days, a million thanks to the man who started this forum/website, and to all of you.

I had an English Setter named Jake that I had to put down last tuesday morning, it's been one week. He was 11 years old, he would have been 12 in November -- but he didn't seem like an old dog at all yet, he was just beginning to show his age with some weakness in his back legs due to arthritis in his spine, they said.

Two weeks ago he suddenly, out of NOWHERE, had a grand mal seizure as we were watching TV at about 7:30 pm. He was on the couch with my hus, then he got off to sit next to me for a pet, then he walked over to the front window to look out. I turned about 15 seconds after he left my side to look at him, see what he was up to, I always did this out of habit. I could not believe my eyes. He was on the floor on his back having a grand mal seizure, his legs were going every which way. It was awful. The whole thing lasted under a minute or 90 seconds at the most, but it seemed like forever. And when he got up, he was of course dazed, and he started wandering around the house, pacing. I got him confined to our bedroom where he slept comfortably all night.

The next morning we took him to our vet who was absolutely ZERO help -- he was more interested in chewing us out for not leaving the dog with him all day long in a cage than interested in helping our dog or guiding us in what to do/expect. I will hate this man until I die. He did not even take our dog's temp.

Read on the net that pacing and confusion is normal after a seizure, long story short both continued and seemed to get worse with moments of lucidity. Finally last Monday evening he looked really weak so we took him to the ER clinic and asked for fluids to be given over night, the doc there wanted to just put him down then but I had to at least give him a chance. The next morning we came back, and he was somewhat stronger but sleepy I think from valium they had given him over night; we were strongly encouraged to put him down then and I finally consented, with many many tears, because I knew he was too damaged from the seizure or whatever caused it to ever recover, he could not walk/pace without falling and he was having trouble eating and drinking. He was aware enough that morning after the IV to be trembling at being at a vets, he always trembled at the vets, and it crushed my heart not to be able to take him home.

So now, I can't stop crying and my husband is dealing with it by trying not to think about it at all. He wants me to stop talking about it or crying. But I can't stop thinking about it all, I miss him so much, and it seemed like his life was cut short so suddenly by who knows what. It was clear he was never going to get his walking/eating/drinking control back ever, the seizure did too much damage. So I had to agree it was time to let him go before it got alot worse. I had to do it for him. I guess.

It's the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I loved him so much.
I am grateful to board for just even exisiting, i feel no one wants to hear it in my 3D life.
but i am shattered inside.

I love my dog so much.

[Stymy's Mom]

Dear j4lorn,

I am so sorry for your loss of Jake! You came to the right place. I too had to put my dog Stymy to sleep. That was the hardest thing I ever had to do. He had lymphoma and couldn't walk any more.

In you heart you know you did the right thing but your mind plays tricks on you. Please listen to your heart. I have trouble with that put I am working on it everyday.

My husband is the same way. He dosen't want to talk about it at all. Me, that is all I want to do. I want to remember everything about Stymy good and bad. He had a great personality and I don't want to forget anything about him. Remembering Stymy helps me to greive in a positive way. So that is why I came here so I can talk to people who feel the same as I do.

Stymy passed on the 16th of August. Since then I have been trying to do things in his memory. I wrote a thank you letters to the person who gave Stymy to me to let her know he was happy and loved. That is important to remember that you gave Jake 11 1/2 years of happiness and love. You gave him love and a happy home and inreturn he gave you unconditional love. Remember that love is always unconditional and where ever he is he still loves you.

I have to tell you the only time I can get my husband to talk about Stymy is when I remember a special time with him and can laugh about it. He laughs too.

It has only been two weeks since Stymy has passed and I have bad days and good days but I think each bad day wasn't as bad as the last. So it is improving all the time. I just wish it would improve faster!

Love and belief,
Stymy's Mom (Vicki)