My Grief Has Come Full Circle Options

[xrayspex]

It has been near a year since my dear Chase died. I have returned to crying much and in solitude the past couple of days. I do not want my wife to see it. It will upset her. She deals with grief in a different way then I do, she avoids it. I cannot. Grief is something I must embrace if it appears dominant in my life. I appear to have returned to the very beginning of the grief process. I feel like I did almost one year ago. I knelt by Chases grave the other day and the vision of that day began to play in my mind. I could see so clearly pulling her lifeless little body from the cage. I could hear my wife sobbing uncontrollably as she held the flashlight while I buried our baby in the backyard on that cold dark night. This is extremely difficult to write but I must let this out...I am tired of hoping this will go away...that it will pass. I thought this anniversary thing was something that I could escape. Apparently I was wrong. I am starting to wish I had my baby back. I thought I was through that too. God help me.........

[kittymomma]

John,
Some days have passed since you last posted and I hope that you have been able to find some peace in that time. I know that complete peace will never come for any of us, but we CAN find a place where we can live with the wonderful memories of our beloved furbabies. I know that when my first year anniversary comes, I will be a mess. Those *anniversarys* are marked days to remember. Just as we have good anniversarys, we also mark the ones we dread. They make us reflective and bring back the feelings and emotions of that day. We must treasure the moments we had with our furbabies and know that we all must cross that bridge some day. And it is then we shall be able to hold our beloved creatures in our arms once again, rejoicing in our newfound old love! I believe St. Francis is watching out for all of our creatures as they play at his feet.
I pray that you are finding some peace and calm these days. My heart goes out to you and I send hugs your way to help warm you on the chill Autumn days.
susan