My Grief Has Come Full Circle Options

[xrayspex]

It has been near a year since my dear Chase died. I have returned to crying much and in solitude the past couple of days. I do not want my wife to see it. It will upset her. She deals with grief in a different way then I do, she avoids it. I cannot. Grief is something I must embrace if it appears dominant in my life. I appear to have returned to the very beginning of the grief process. I feel like I did almost one year ago. I knelt by Chases grave the other day and the vision of that day began to play in my mind. I could see so clearly pulling her lifeless little body from the cage. I could hear my wife sobbing uncontrollably as she held the flashlight while I buried our baby in the backyard on that cold dark night. This is extremely difficult to write but I must let this out...I am tired of hoping this will go away...that it will pass. I thought this anniversary thing was something that I could escape. Apparently I was wrong. I am starting to wish I had my baby back. I thought I was through that too. God help me.........

[radgirl]

Toonie:

I am not the same Toonie as I was a year ago.

Ditto for me.........I have a totally different view of the world now......and how I see people.......I also take pictures and videos of everything my daughter does and our new cat Magic, of course..I don't want to miss a moment. I didn't miss any moments with Misty, but I didn't take any videos...took lots of pictures but not nearly as many as I coud have....

Thinking of you Toonie with your upcoming anniversary.........I will think of you and Yukon Friday........

Love,

Amy