My Baby Max Options

[MAXIESMOMMY]

I have never posted to a board before. I hope this makes sense when it appears. My beloved Max, a Lhasa Apso with the most beautiful eyes, passed away so suddenly on August 18. I don't know how to stop crying at home. I was away on vacation and my husband was home taking care of him because he only had one kidney so we took seperate vacations so one of us would always be with him. Max had been itching and itching so he brought him for an oatmeal bath at the groomers. He still continued to itch after that, so he called the vet and started him on baby Benedryl. Now Max developed a rash so he took the day off and brought him to the vet. He told Max that the vet was going to make him all better and they went bye bye in the car. Max never came home. He had a heart attack while they were doing a skin graft. The vet tried and tried to revive him. After a while, he told my husband that if Max did revive, he would be brain damaged. Our baby was so smart. He knew lots of commands and would pick out the toy we told him to get. I am just devastated. I cry and cry. I am having him cremated because we live in a townhouse and I can't bury him outside. I thought of a pet cemetary, but I knew he wouldn't want to be so far away from his mommy and daddy. How will I get through bringing his ashes home????? How can I look at that every day and know he's in there and I can't hold him and rub his little head? He won't be able to give me little wet kisses anymore. Please, please help me. He was my first and only dog and my first tragedy to have to deal with. I feel so hollow inside. My life will never be the same. Carol

[gingerspal]

Dear Carol,
I am so sorry you lost your beloved baby Max! My heart is breaking for you, I KNOW precisely how you feel!
You did not indicate how old Max was but I can tell you that it doesn't matter how old he was, his death would affect you this same way whether he had been 4 or 6 or 8 or 16. I can also advise you that no matter how he died you would be devastated. If he died after a very long and a seemingly "complete" life you would still be crushed as you are right this moment. No way is a "good" way for our furry buddies to leave us. You sound so much like me..taking separate vacations and so forth! Our pet-less counterparts must think we are pretty strange going to some of the extremes we go to in order to protect our little charges. You invested so much of your daily energy into Max. Now you must face the heart wrenching physical separation that all of us here have endured. I do know that your heart feels ripped out. I know you are currently in the "raw" stage where everything seems surreal and like a waking nightmare. Your Max left you "suddenly" ..which makes it all the harder to take. I wouldn't be surprised if you don't find many ways to blame yourself. There is not a poster here who hasn't. But the reason for that is because of the total commitment you have to Max. You were responsible for everything for him! It stands to reason that after such a long time of providing for his every need you also wanted to "control" everything even down to the day when Max was called to the rainbow bridge. I too wanted to keep my Ginger protected and healthy for many many years to come. But it was not to be.

You are correct that the ashes thing is fairly emotional. I cried and cried and cried on the day I got Ginger's ashes. For one thing I was very taken aback with how small the container was. Ginger was a huge cat, close to 18 pounds..when I picked up the receptacle he was in it was something the size of a tea tin! Since I couldn't make any "urn" decisions I just took the standard issue and it was a very ugly tin. I just sat on the porch with it (as I had sat on the porch with my live Ginger) and cried an ocean. Carol, you will too. But we were given tears to cry for a purpose. Tears help us. It doesn't feel like it when you are in the midst of crying...but tears make it so that we can bear it. It has often been written here...go ahead and cry the healing tears.

It has been awhile since that day for me on the porch. I got a beautiful new container. Someone here told me to keep the ashes in the plastic liner to make the transfer. Wow, was I glad for that advise because I just couldn't think straight about anything in the beginning. Now I am so happy that I have the ashes. In the beginning I wrote a note to Ginger practically every single night. Saying goodnight to Ginger was a ritual I didn't want to interrupt. In time you will be glad you have Max with you. Nothing I say will make the process any easier...but know that I am thinking of you and giving you a big hug. I know what you are going through is just as hard as a person losing a beloved person! I know it. I have been there. I am still there. Knowing how much this all hurts now I bet you still would not trade any of the time you had with Max for a serene Max-less life. Me either. I wouldn't trade for a Ginger-less life even though his parting was a most angst-ridden episode of my life.

My thoughts and prayers are with you my new friend. When you are up to it please consider posting a photo and a tribute on the memorial page. You may feel this keeps you in grief but paradoxically it helps you to describe your relationship with Max. Best of all there are folks here who will lend an ear and no one here will ever tell you you shouldn't be feeling what you are feeling.
Max is 100% happy and carefree, whole and beautiful and young cavorting at the Rainbow Bridge. He has no pain and he is just playing until the day when you will be reunited. Love doesn't die with the physical body. Your Max is still with you and you are still with him!
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Carol}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Write anytime. We're here.
Love,
Patti
P.S. My last pet before Ginger was my Lhasa Apso. Mine was white and orange.