Just Missing My Boy Still Options

[ChrissyW]

I want to say thank you to everyone at this site. I have stayed away for awhile due to the fact that it hurts when I come here because it makes my loss real. I don't want it to be real anymore. I feel for anyone who does come here . . . it is hard. Lately, I really don't want to feel this pain. He was a big part of my life and lately I have been going backwards thinking maybe I did hurt him and thats why he had to go. Recently my daughter has been telling me that she really misses him. I don't blame her. I miss him incredably. Our new dog, she has only been with us since March or April, does so many things my old man did. It helps but I also look at my other dog who spent all her life with him and sometimes I can see lonliness. I am to the point I want another dog. It doesn't matter how big or how little I want the void to be gone. Of course, My husband, the level head right now, says no due to the fact it is too much. I guess with a house full of animals (2 cats, 2 dogs, 2 hampsters and 20-30 fish) another dog is too much. When I first got my Indy he was 2 months old and when we met I held him and he just went to sleep. Well I got the okay from mom and took him home. I took him to my dad's house and on the way he threw up his breakfast. I was then christened mom. He whinned at night but would never sleep in my bed with me. He went everywhere I went, well except on an airplane! When will it stop feeling like yesterday he was taken from me? He is in my thoughts everyday. Sometimes, I just stare at his pictures. His leash and collar are still on my dressor and every once in a while I smell them for him. It reminds me he needed a bath. I just miss him. What do I say to my daughter? It hurts but I answer her honestly . . . I miss him too. And I think to myself, you'll never know how much I miss him. Indy, my BooBoo Bear, I miss you . . . I know you are whole now and waiting for us. But there will always be a hole in my heart that will never completely heal. I love you with all my heart and miss you terribly. Do me one favor, Indy, just enjoy being whole again and young again and just promise me that you will be there when it is my time because I will need you once again as I did and do in this physical life.
Mommy misses you, greatly.
Be happy my boy, Thinking of you and missing you.
Mom (ChrissyW)

[anln]

Dear Chrissy and everyone,
It has been awhile since I, too, have posted on this site. I'd like to say that it is because I'm doing better after losing my boy, Jordan: but I just haven't wanted to face my loss. It has been three months since we held our boy as he passed away from this life. Two days ago I opened a rarely opened kitchen cabinet and lost my breath as I saw his four medicine bottles. I started to throw them into the trash and couldn't bring myself to throw away the last bottle. Those bottles were such a big part of his life for the last five years. I just held the last bottle and missed him so much. My two year old daughter says, "There is Jordan's house," every time we drive past the veternarian hospital. It breaks my heart. I always tell her that he is not there and remind her that Jordan died. Of course she doesn't understand but it kills me that she thinks that he is at the vet's office. I wish it were that simple. Some days my loss just hits me like a ton of bricks and I cry and cry for him. It is so hard, isn't it? I imagine him running and jumping and feeling great, or "whole again" as you put it. I had a very hard time on the evening of Aug. 17th and then I realized that it was three months to the day that he died. Strange, huh? Oh, I miss him. Thanks for listening.
Jordan's mom