Hard Time Options

[JD1]

Not a year ago I had to go to my mother's home and get my childhood cat. My mother said she found an ulcer on her stomach and she was acting badly. We took her to the vet and the cancer combined with her age (19) it was decided that we put her to sleep. I held her and tried to comfort her even though I know she was very scared. The doc gave her two injections. One to calm her, and the other to stop her heart. I'm a 33 year old man, and this was by far the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. The image of life leaving her was more than I could bare at the time. The event has haunted me in my dreams ever since.

Fast forward to this last saturday. One of our cats that never lets me touch her stomach, well, I discover that she has mammary cancer that has ulcerated as well. I would have NEVER seen it as like I said she usually doesn't let you get anywhere near her stomach. She has been that way since she was a kitten. It was just by chance that I saw it. She acts perfectly fine. I of course know she isn't and now I'm faced with the inevitable that tomorrow I will have to have her put to sleep as well. I can tell it's at such an advanced stage that she has no hope of recovery. I'll have the vet confirm of course but I honestly don't think I can go through it again. Why must we fill our lives with pets only to have to see them go? Not only see them go, but aid in their departure!

I've been loving on her and crying all day. She gets excited at the prospect of going in the car, only this time she won't be coming back with me.

[JD1]

Thanks guys. I do miss her an aweful lot. I keep going back to her favorite spots and talking to her like she is still there. Telling her how sorry I am and how much I love her. I know I told her it was ok to go when I was holding her for those last moments and I truly think she heard me but I really want her back.

She wasn't the only cat in the house, but she was our oldest. From the time she adopted us one day by walking up into the driveway and into our lives. She was abandoned by a family that rented a house across the street from us. She just saw me hanging out in the garage and came over. I heard a mow behind me and it was prolly the most sad voice I had heard in a long time. We got to have about 10 years with her after that. She didn't have an easy life there towards the end and I am feeling a tremendous amount of guilt for not giving up. In retrospect I probably should have told her I love her and said goodbye to her a while back. I just couldn't do it, not while there was still a chance at some quality of life. In the end she got to live out her time with us and with me and I thank God for every moment. She was a special cat. Even when she was dealing with wearing that stupid E-collar she still summoned up a happy face whenever she saw me. She was for the most part the happiest cat I've ever seen. At least up until the cancer took her.



How could anyone abandon that? She was a kitten too. People kill me sometimes.

We love and miss you very much honey.