1 Week, a million tears Options

[KaseysMom]

I can't believe its been a whole week since i kissed that soft little belly.I guess your daddy and i agreed without saying so to not speak of you today, and it was so hard as we only have one another and I the folks here.noone calls noone cares and when i did mention you the other day while out i actully got an eyeroll i wanted to sceam, i dont know what is wrong with people! and i am begining not to care, the people i have been around have not given me any joy that i can remmember as opposed to you my baby that gave me so much joy everyday, i miss playing hide and seek with you and i hate that i can walk down the hall unacostted noone jumpimg out at me. Sydney just stays in bed with whoever is sleeping shes fine but i am sure she misses you too. i cant believe i even miss the litter pan we do not need 2 now and so Sdyney has to do both in the one pan,you girls were so funny using one for pee and the other for foo-stinky, its just insane the things that are gone like being able to answer "the grey one did it" when anything happens not having to shut the bedroom door so daddy can sleep without you two chasing each other over his head, no walking you to the mailbox, and i lit a candle today and was able to leave the room and not worry about the baby getting at it.even trowing away a cig pack has changed i cant bear to wad them up i just toss them away cause i know you wont be fighting me for them.and i cant help but wish i could help daddy more i see him mist up often and i know i can talk to him whenever i want but i see his heart breaking so i am trying to not as much i wil just try and talk here more, he put his every morning milk cup away with a stern warning for me not to throw it out. i really just dont know what were gonna do we boith miss you so much its so hard,the word moving even came up.I just hope you knew how much we wanted to save you, we would have done anything not to lose you anything but let you suffer.i cant see to type anymore i love you baby,im sure i will come here often

[toonie]

Hi Kasey's mom, so sorry you are having a hard time. Will it help if I tell you we all go through it, I think that mostly it is grief that has to come out and we are fragile so every little down from outside brings us a down inside. I have come to realize that I will be sad for a long time (if not forever) I can't wish for things to be like before but I have decided I can at least aspire for satisfaction. Rather than try to find the happiness of beofre I will work at satisfaction: to be satisfied with my self, with my house, with my work and with my gardens. I will do my best to be happy about these things. And I will accept that sometimes I need to go and cry a few good cries alone before I come back and 'act' normal. But at this time, my buzz word is satisfaction, it keeps me sane in the midst of the crazy feelings. Take care Kasey, be good to yourself and try to make it through, there will be better times ahead for your beautiful little family.